Once again, thankyou for all replies and interest in my efforts to get to see my daughter and grandson. My daughter ran away from scotland with the young man she married here in Glasgow. He will let her come back for a visit, but she cannot bring her son, I find this very sad that my son in law does not trust my daughter to return to him after a holiday here. She is MY baby, and has embraced both Algeria and Islam , all I want is to have the right for my daughter to come here. If he continues to refuse then I must try to find them in Batna.
I hope that time will heal the hurt that separation from loved ones has brought to your life. There is always life beyond problems, so have faith that you will smile again and hold those you love in your arms.
The circumstances of your daughter's departure are 'history' now, and history can be a burden - the trick is to know when to put it down.
It is possible that your son-in-law's refusal to allow your grandson out of Algeria (for now, as when the boy is older he may wish himself to travel the world), is based on a fear of legal action, perhaps, a fear that some emotional 'tug-of-war' could result in the loss of his son.
So, how to eliminate that fear? For now, it would not arise if you were the one making the journey to effect a reunion. If there has been hurt and mistrust in the past that can be replaced by a gradual building of trust. If it can be seen that your visit to Algeria is for no reason other than to rebuild the bonds of love with your daughter and grow new ones with your grandson, that threatens nobody. And perhaps in the process some mutual respect and understanding can grow between you and your son-in-law.
It really would be best if you had someone at the other end of your journey to meet you and shelter you. Without an address you would be likely to meet problems with the police. If you can convince your daughter that you wish to make no more than a visit of love, then she and her husband should feel able to help you.
With regard to practicalities, as your language skills are......deficient....the less time you are roaming around in Algeria on your own, the better. That is why I would be even more inclined to recommend the Marseille-Batna direct flight. You will probably find yourself beside some Algerians on your flight, and can learn a few new things on your journey.
In a situation where there have been hurts there comes a time to try to change interactions if bonds are to survive. You can do this. But it would be easier for you if you can ask for your daughter and son-in-law's help. Ask as a mother, your son-in-law should understand exactly why you wish to keep a line open.
A successful visit with no conflict or recriminations would be the beginning of a better relationship between you all, and would establish some trust and provide hope for other visits at other times.
Once again, thankyou for all replies and interest in my efforts to get to see my daughter and grandson. My daughter ran away from scotland with the young man she married here in Glasgow. He will let her come back for a visit, but she cannot bring her son, I find this very sad that my son in law does not trust my daughter to return to him after a holiday here. She is MY baby, and has embraced both Algeria and Islam , all I want is to have the right for my daughter to come here. If he continues to refuse then I must try to find them in Batna.
but would the husband at least let ur daughter get you from the airport and bring u to batna?
I am so full of hope with the replies and such wonderful interpretations of my situation. Yes, I understand my son in laws assumption that my daughter may not return to Algeria but he took her away from her family here and after 5 years I believe HE needs to show some compassion. I support them financially when I can but not HIS family too. My daughter is blonde and blue eyed and is now covered up from head to toe when she goes out. I thought Algeria was a democracy , a secular state, why is this ? With help and advice I am quite determined to come to Batna in the summer unannounced so that my son in law HAS to deal with his treatment of my daughter and let me see my first born grandson. Keep giving me advice, I know cultures see things or interpret things in different ways but with the posts here, maybe I can better understand Algerians.
This conversation is a process, OK? So we will not 'fight', we will develop themes and explore possibilities.
I think that you are, in a sense, still in 'combat mode' and that must be very tiring for you. From our few exchanges, what can we know?
We may guess that at times, for a time, you have been very afraid - afraid that you had 'lost' your daughter. We may guess that you have, at times, been angry, angry at 'Algerians', angry at Muslims, angry perhaps with Islam. But time cools anger and time can evaporate fear. The actions of one person do not damn a whole race or nation or faith, and I know that you know this. We may also guess that you have, emotionally, gone through a form of bereavement, mourning the future that you may have dreamed for your daughter and mourning the time lost for whatever period you were estranged from one another.
You imagine Algeria to be a 'secular democracy' when in truth Algeria is a predominantly Muslim country, still officially under a 'state of emergency' and you will find that sharia law has a respected place in its constitution.
So, how are we doing?
We have you, thinking of how things 'should be' - in your view - and we have things as they actually are. I am not scolding you, not at all, just trying to 'defuse you' a little.
I think your 'mission to Batna' as planned has all the ingredients of a disaster in the making. What does it offer? A showdown? Conflict? You 'telling him what you think?' After all these years is a row really the best thing to bring to a reunion? It holds no chance of reconciliation, that is for sure. Unburdening your anger may seem a short-term solution for you to offload some of your pain, but longer term it only promises more division and possibly fewer chances of building a current relationship with your grandson.
OK, you have been afraid, you have hurt, you have lost your dreams. But your daughter made choices that open up a whole new world for you. You can walk two worlds, explore another culture, see another land and have rich experiences. Instead of viewing it as 'an enemy base' you could have Algeria as a base of your own, to enrich your own life in.
Your grandson has Algerian blood in his veins. He is of Algeria too. He has a right to grow in his own world, and a right to explore his mother's world too. The anger of adults warring over his head would do nothing to make him feel secure, would do nothing to make him feel that 'his other home' accepted him, his mother and his father unconditionally.
It will be very, very difficult for you to turn up unannounced, you would be unwise to invest time, money and emotions in a journey that could result in your deportation if your travel itinerary is irregular. And to go for a confrontation is not good for you, not good for your daughter, not good for your grandson, not good for your son-in-law. There is enough conflict in the world, without planning for it.
If you do meet, you may view how your daughter interacts with her husband in a negative light, because it is unfamiliar to you. But if your daughter is happy, and following her own dream, then surely it would be unjust to try to impose any other dream on her?
I would prefer, for your sake and theirs, for you to think again, and think how a more conciliatory approach could actually restore much of what you have lost, give you something rich in addition, and give you a current living relationship instead of a festering wound.
Take your time before replying, I am not fighting with you. I can feel your pain and insha'allah, if you are calmer, it will be taken from you.
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