I'm new here.......

[Bent_Bladi]

if you really love him you should try to make it work.

but you have to draw the line somewhere. tell him if he wants smooth sailing, then he's going to have to make some limits w/ his little friend.... sure, we all have childhood friends and there's no way in hell we can break that bond --- but come on, he's got to have more respect!

[Al-khiyal]

Your Irish is spot on

Unfortunately I did read his messages but only after his ex msn him and i replied saying he was in bed, she said to 'tell him that she would always take care of him' That worried me as she'd intended so I replied that I would let him know. She's been phoning and messaging him constantly, he ignores most of it. So, for the first time ever, i checked his messages to see what she'd been sending and well you know the rest.

The Complete cheek of her tho to send such a message to him, she knows we live together and there's no future for them, he says he doesn't love her but they grew up together so he misses her friendship & she lives in France!!!

Im in limbo now tho, do I break my heart and walk away or do I forgive and forget to keep the man I love??

With all respect, he is not a man yet, not if he is behaving like that.

You have received an 'eye opener' - be sure to keep your eyes open.

You probably don't want to, so I will say a few hard things about him.

1) A man who 'puts all the blame on a woman' for her pursuit of him, is being less than honest, and less than honorable.

A simple question is "What is making her do the running? Why has he not closed down any romantic dreams on her part?"

It would not appear that he has, and in fact he still appears to be either directly encouraging her or 'keeping her on ice'. She is not 'coming ahead' in a vacuum, he has obviously fed her dreams somehow.

How can you be sure that you have not been explained as either a 'flatmate' or just a passing whim? "One in the bed and one in the bled" is a common enough expression among DZ guys outside Algeria, and I have that information from Algerian men AND Algerian women.

2) If he 'likes her' he is actually being cruel to her (and to you) by feeding her dreams, feeding her hope, feeding both of you lines. What kind of man does that? If he is even remotely keeping a belief in some kind of commitment alive in her mind, then her behavior is not 'hostile and directed against you' - it is a natural and understandable by-product of his weakness, dishonesty and game-playing.

Look at the likely consequences of you and her being made aware of the truth of things - two women both being fed lines and him being the arbiter of which relationship is 'real' and which is meaningless - depending on which of you he is talking to.

If he had any honor he would have closed down her dream, if it is only her dream. If he had any honor he would not be stringing her along, accepting her declarations of love and a planned future.

He is acting like a classic rat and blaming HER when you confronted him. You should not spring into 'hating the other woman' mode without first considering - what is he saying to her to keep her hanging on?

You ask what you should do? He has not established any basis for trust - not with you or with her.

I presume site rules prevent me suggesting chemical castration, so I will confine myself to saying - make him give up his 'phone, ban him from MSN, make him write a decent, respectful honest 'we can never be' note to her (and be sure that he sends it), stating that he is going to cut all contact for a period of six months, make him delete her from his contact lists (it would be kinder for her, too) and then electronically tag him for 6 months and forbid him to use any computer anywhere. Such a harsh regime comes to mind only because he is being so emotionally immature and dishonest.

You got a lucky break finding the texts - don't blow it and blindfold yourself. And have some compassion for the Algerian woman - he has obviously been playing games with her too.

[Flower25]

I say leave the situation and move on, he's obviously made an effort to stay in contact with her as the msg plainly shows in the second sms he has written back,with a 'good intention' to keep her 'keen'..
You're much more worth it than that!

p.s not all Algerian men are the same