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  1. #1
    allegra is offline Junior Member
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    Apr 2005
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    12
    Hi, I want your opinion on what my husband has done to me.

    Is it acceptable for somone of your religion to do this?

    Is this common practice?

    I have just separated from my husband when he got an Irish passport (I'm Irish) he said he didn't need me anymore.

    We had planned to start a family but that was just a lie to keep me happy until he got his passport.

    I thought the marriage was real and we were in love but he was acting.

    The exprience has been very painful me. I am a caring, decent Christian. When I married I thought it was for life. He tricked me and my family. He just took from me and gave nothing.

    Now I find myself, just turned 37, with no marriage and no prospect of starting a family.

    How could he do this to me? Does he think that because I am not muslim I am worthless and it doesn't matter that he hurt me. Is this is the way muslim Algerians think?

    I know you can't all be the same but would like some feedback to help me through this.

    Thank you.

    God bless you.

    Would like to know what you think.


  2. #2
    Amina-DZ is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    7,633
    So sorry to hear that Allegra!

    As you obviously know, not all Algerian men are the same. Plus our religion does not allow marriage for the sake of getting papers!

    You need to move on, I know itís hard! But the guy isnít worth it if he left you!

    Bear in mind that good and bad are everywhere, thus, this shouldnít make you generalise your judgment upon all Algerians nor upon all men. Having said that, does not mean Iím reproaching you, in fact you have the right to say whatever you want about this man!

    When people start talking about their bad experiences in life as far as marriage is concerned, you may think life is terrible. On the other hand, other people are living their life in perfect harmony. So donít stop at this point and seek your own happiness.

    Itís obviously hard to bear when you are emotionally destroyed. There is a sense of utter despair, emptiness, and a numbing of the senses. It can become so intense that one actually questions the whole purpose and meaning of life. But try to move on.

    I can feel for you! Unfortunately, that cheesy line "time heals all wounds" is true - especially for broken hearts. Eventually, even though you sooo don't believe it now, you'll be over it.

    Give it some time. Unfortunately, it does often take some time to move on. You will have your ups and downs, but you will be able to move on eventually.

    The worst part is probably the reality that you have to feel the pain in order to get
    to the healing. It is only through feeling the pain, and letting it go that one can move
    into the healing phase of forgiveness. Forgiveness allows one's heart to open, and then
    one can find love again. You need to move on with your life. At age 37, you can start building a family of course!

    One of the greatest things you can give yourself is some perspective. You can only move forward, not back, so get going!

    I know you've been let down badly but there are always exceptions...this doesnít mean that Algerian men do not have values or are immoral people! There is the good and the bad everywhere, and you just happened to have a bad sample of the good stock.

    I wish you happiness. May you find the right man who would take responsibility in his nest, and be protective of you!


  3. #3
    Khokom Guest
    Hi Allegra,

    First of all sorry you had to go through this, a man who does something like this is for sure a coward.

    Secondly, I dont understand why you blame his religion for this? On the contrary, he is going against his own religion and has commited a sin. Men like him do this with any woman regardless of their faith, so dont think he didnt appreciate you because you are not a muslim. This is wrong, Islam gives muslim men the right to marry christian women, and they are to be treated exactly the same way a muslim wife would be treated. He entered a marriage with the intention to get papers, this is where he broke a rule in God's book. So on the day of judgement, you and him will stand infront of God, and justice will be upheld. Believe me, he is not going to get away with it.

    Thirdly, please dont generalise and think all Algerian men are like this. There are many Algerians who are married to christian women and they are very very happy, actually, a member here is happily married to an Irish woman.

    So, things like that are done by coward men from any religion, nationality or race. They do anything to get papers.

    Finally, I dont want you to give up on marriage and happiness. Dont let such a thing bring you down. Stay positive and be strong, sometimes we all face difficulties in our lives, one way or another, and these things happen to test us.

    I hope you gona be ok.

    Regards,

    Khokom.



  4. #4
    allegra is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    12

    Thanks so much for the replies

    You might think I'm exaggerating but they really have helped me understand what has happened

  5. #5
    Khokom Guest
    Yeah Allegra, honestly I get really angry when a man from my country does something like this, because its not Algerian at all to do such a horrible thing.

    Look forward to happiness, dont look back ok?

    Khokom.

  6. #6
    Little_Mem is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    853

    Unhappy All the best, Allegra

    I hope you feel better soon Allegra, it does hurt when a marriage ends. I've been through it myself, although the circumstances were different to yours, I felt cheated and hurt for a long time afterwards. It will take time, but you will move on. At 37, you can still get married and have a family. As Amina said, unfortunately you married a 'bad sample' of a good stock. It would be understandable at this time for you to have a bad impression of Algerian guys in general, however, please don't judge a nation on a few sorry individuals, that's what this guy was, a sorry individual and he should be disgusted with himself.

    If I may add, I think you are actually taking the first steps to recovery simply by posting on an Algerian forum, I'll admit, if this had happened to me I wouldn't be as diplomatic as you in your post!I really admire you for this!
    Inchalla, I hope you find answers and future happiness, I hope you find a really good man who deserves a good lady like you, whatever nationality he may be.

    Take Care, Allegra. It WILL get better


  7. #7
    BUSHRA1 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2004
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    203
    Salam/Hello Allegra. We sometimes don't know why bad things happen to good people, but there's a God and HE's the best equalizer. You'll look back one day and understand why this happened to you and why it was necessary to go through what you have. Sometimes it takes such hurtful events to make us more appreciative of our lives and Gods' bounty. God doesn't give a person what he/she can't handle. At 37 you definitely can get married again, amongst doing other things. It's not easy to have invested a part of your life with someone so blatantly cruel. Wish your ex well, rebuild your life (set goals), keep close to family and friends...and everything will fall into place. Look back at a another time in your life where you felt very sad...didn't the sun rise again? You're worth much more than a passport!


    You're in my duas (supplications),

    Bushra

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