Very thorn!!!

[greenmistyeyed]

I wrote in here a while back a go, about a man i met over the internet,and have fallen in love with. He is the sweetest thing for me,and i plan to travel to algeria to meet him in june. however, i'm very thorn and need your help in every way possible.

I'm tired of hearing people telling me all the bad things that can happen to me on my trip, or if i do marry this man. i have been told that if i have chilren they will be taken away from me, also that i will have to cover myself and walk in front of me so that i can detonate "landmines???" what the heck. I know that people that are ignorant and have not read, reseqarched or gotten well informed well can and will make very stupid remarks and opinions about what they don't know.

My husband to me wants to live here in the states, but that may take a while since he does not know the language or have papers yet. We are also not decided if we want to live in Algeria or here. He started doing prayers not long ago to thank for having met me, he had told me before that, that he did not practice his religion, but now he is getting into it, and respect him and admire him for wanting to be a good muslim.

There are so many things i want to know, and would love to experience in Algeria, but i have to wait till June, which is when i go there.

Can you guys just throw me a line and tell me in your opinion, some of the things that are characteristics of your culture, more about women, because i have been fed so many things that sound utterly ridiculous.

What are traditions in Algeria? What can women do or can't do? How are they regarded? How about muslim men and their characteristics? tell me little tips and anything you think may help.

Thank you one million times!
Sarah

[nouha]

first of all... i dont noe whos feeding u all these lies but they certainly need a kick in their arses....

secondly... women are allowed to hold any position that a man can in algeria, there are female doctors...political leaders...business women... my aunt is even a judge in algeria...

i think ur biggest concern isnt one of marrying a muslim man ... its of falling in love with someone whom u havent even met... whether the man is american or algerian... thats a dangerous thing and should be approached with very cautiously... ESP to a country which u have no idea abt...

hijab, the head piece worn by muslim women isnt mandatory in algeria... in fact in algeria... we have girls who wear bikinis when in the beach... girls who wear mini skirts on the streets etc... so i dont noe whos telling u that u HAVE to wear it...

im going to be honest with u... i feel this guy is marrying u only for ur papers... MANY algerian men do this... i dont noe what stupid guy would tell u to marry him when he hasnt even met u ... esp when hes in algeria and ur in america... i mean that should be a very big indicator right there...

if u still decide to go to algeria.. DONT GO ALONE... u shouldnt meet any guy for the first time alone in a foriegn country... im not saying algeria is dangerous.. im just saying in case anything happens to u ... u wont noe what to do ...

my "line" that im dropping u.. just tell him good bye... and find urself a nice person in america that u can actually meet with.. even if theyre algerian... its ok.. as long as ur in familair territory and he has his papers...

take care good luck...

[phylay]

But He told her he was hesitating whether they gonna live in DZ or in the US.
Isn't this a sufficient proof that the papers r not his interest?

Hmmm,
Sounds tricky though and I can hardy believe it

[HOUDA-K]

Yeah, but he could just be saying that though. Who knows. Allahu Alam.

[NinaGucci]

hi,
you can never know what's gonna happen unless you take the risk. it is a big risk of course as it can lead to divorce, but you will have to take it beacause you are really in love with this man. now two things will happen:
1/ if he is a real gentleman he will marry you and will always be a decent carring husband who will never hurt you or even think of taking advantage of you. however, he will ask you to live in the US cause there is just no way you can live in Algeria. it's not about the rules or problems, but it's just because you dont belong there. it is not your country and you will never understand the culture. nobody will oblige you to wear anything you dont like, it's a free country (if you go to some villages in the south you see women wearing the scarve, if you go to some beaches in algiers, you see women wearing bikinnis! so you can choose where you wanna be). but i think that no matter what your future husband thinks or feels towards you, he will definitely suggest to you to go live in the US to have a better life for both of you.i do not call that taking advantage of you, but you will only help him with the papers and he will help you for everything else forever (as decent algerian men always take their families in charge and never let their women do everything on their own)
2/ if he is a complete jurk spending his time on the internet saying some foolish bull**** to girls behind their computers, then you are a really unlucky woman and you will pay for this all your life. sooner or later you will discover the reality of this man, because nobody can hide his evil personality for ever and there is no one stupide enough to spend 10 years and then discover he is with a jurk!
so, even if you get married to this man and things go bad, you can always divorce in the worst case and each one of you will rebuild his life. true he would have taken advantage of your papers but he might never be happy with another woman. he might never find a woman as carring and gentle as you, and i think this is his biggest loss.
it is extremelly rare to find someone who cares about us more than anything else in the world, and if we loose this person then we would have lost everything.
so, dear lady, do not be afraid, give a chance to love and you will see that the truth will always rise and shine! before or after marriage, you will discover this person, and thanks god you are living in a free country where you can marry, divorce and start your life again to get the American Dream. so don't you worry and just give a chance to love and see how much this man truly loves you or how much this jurk is gonna hold on to his plays. either way, remember that you have nothing to loose, that you are a free woman and you are AMERICAN.
god bless AMERICA

[nouha]

Originally posted by HOUDA-K
Yeah, but he could just be saying that though. Who knows. Allahu Alam.

EXACLTY thats the point i wanted to make but forget ...

[greenmistyeyed]

Thank you for your advice everyone, it is great to hear everyone's prospective in the matter. And you hit the nail in the head NinaGucci, i know i'm playing russian roulette in this situation, and i can only either win greatly or loose devastatingly. I know life is also always about taking risks, otherwise we will never be able to see our full potential to happiness.

I have not mentioned that i'm actually from Dominican Republic, a free little happy country, but i have been living in North America since 1995, and i can't complain. This country has offered me many more oppportunities to have a better life than i would have if i would have stayed in Dominican Republic.

I mentioned in another posting under "Travelling to Algeria" in which i mention that i want to visit my promised one in June, i also mentioned he has a promise ring for me, and i have in several ocassions spoken to his whole family. They are all very sweet and welcoming, as they remind me of my own family, and he even says himself that our families are alike, since we share a traditional family background. Even though we are raised under different religions (i don't follow any religion at the moment) our families have strong moral backgrounds with a very healthy upbringing.

Yeah maybe is a good idea that we just live here, since maybe as you said Ninagucci, i simply don't fit in. But regarless of the place, i would still live with a muslim man that has certain rules or principles in the sense of religion.

Thank you all for your advice, i really appreciate you taking the time in letting me know your opinions on the matter.

Much Love,
Sarah