What should I do?

[sand1980]

So someone I know told me in Algeria (and Arab countries in general) it is seen as shameful to marry a women who is divorced (in my case I also have children). I asked my boyfriend about this and he said it is true to an extent. He told me that his friends think our relationship is acceptable but there are people who will not. He even went so far as to say there are people who will laugh at him. First, is this an accurate assessment? If it is, I cannot understand the logic behind it. I was married (islamically and legally) and it did not work out. I do not understand why anyone would see it as shameful to be my partner. He said it doesn't matter what people think to him but now I feel like I would be doing damage to his life by being involved with him or that maybe this will be an issue for us in the future. Any thoughts?

[BACK2MYROOTS]

[QUOTE... someone I know told me in Algeria... it is seen as shameful to marry a woman who is divorced ... I also have children... my boyfriend ... said it is true to an extent... I was married (islamically and legally)... did not work out. I do not understand why anyone would see it as shameful to be my partner. He said it doesn't matter what people think to him but now I feel like I would be doing damage to his life by being involved with him or that maybe this will be an issue for us in the future. Any thoughts?[/QUOTE]



I experienced very similar fears in my own life. The only difference is that it's all behind me now and my late wife is no longer with us. At the risk of stating the obvious, what really, really matters is how you two feel about each other, and whether you are entering this marriage for the right reasons or not (and I have no reason to doubt your sincerity). If you have a very strong foundation on which to build a home together, the rest of the world can 'stuff it'! [Sorry!]

Of course, consent from both sides of the families would be very nice, but ultimately that's a side issue. Listen to your guy and stand firm against any unwarranted interference, but don't fight them and turn them into enemies. Let them wallow in their own mud. Show them all that your relationship is strong; they will all come round crawling eventually. Trust me.I've been there.

Be happy.

La vie est courte. Vivez la bien
comme disait Nedjma!

B2MR

[sand1980]

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't want to feel like I am ruining his life. Why does there have to be such a double standard? If a man divorces I doubt it has the same stigma attached to it. I will try to trust that he knows what he wants and that he is ready for an consequences of those decisions.

[BACK2MYROOTS]

Wow! Quick reply. Listen sand 1980. Don't let them crush your hopes. Be positive and start planning for your future happiness. Just make sure that you are not rushing things and that there is an unshakable foundation of love between you before you take the plunge. You cannot afford to make another 'mistake'.

[Bent_Bladi]

hey sand --- don't let stupid ignorant idiots get in the way of your happiness, there'll always be someone out there that will have something to say about you or your family, just brush it aside and go on living your life!

i know there are some arabs that think that way -- they think when a girl loses her virginity (even if it's within the boundaries of marriage) she is no longer valuable... i resent that, everyone is human and its not like being divorced is some horrible defect, you were just married to someone you couldn't live the rest of your life with and now that you have found someone why should anyone stand in your way?

i say whoever lets these ignorant people stop them from doing what they want then they're only encouraging that way of thought

good luck