New member... Would love some advice please...

[browneyedgirl12]

Hi,

I'm hoping someone could give me some advice or at least share their opinions on my situation....

I'm 24 and a little over a year ago I met an Algerian man (living in the UK) on the internet... This was a chance meeting for me as I have never previously been in the habit of "meeting" people on the internet. But he seemed nice and I thought it would be a shame to never talk again so we kept in regular contact. After some time he told me that he loved me. I thought this was crazy at first because we had never met but I was developing feelings for him too. We met last month for the first time and it was AMAZING. We have a real chemistry. He respects me, he takes care of me, he would do anything to make me happy and I believe that he genuinely loves me (I know I love him).

However, I have heard all the horror stories of men wanting Western girls for sex, for visas etc. I've talked to him about this. He assures me that he doesn't need anything from me and that in time he is able to get a visa for himself with money. He says it's only me that he wants. He has never given me ANY reason to doubt his intentions, my doubts are purely because of the horror stories I have read. I asked him about his family's attitudes towards him being with a foreign girl and he said a lot of his family members have also married foreign women and they are fine with it. He has told them all about me and why I am a good woman for him... I don't drink, smoke, swear, I'm a trainee teacher still living with my family and I have strong family values; all these things are important for him. When I talked to him regarding my doubts about his intentions (i.e. if he just wanted a free pass to the uk) he got so upset at the thought I was leaving him that he cried and pleaded with me to believe him. He said he would do whatever it took to prove his love to me and he would eventually get his papers himself, without any help from me. Do you think it's possible that I'm one of these girls who thinks they have found "a good one" when in reality he is just like the horror stories I have read about? Surely no one can be THAT good of an actor?

We have talked about getting married in the future> He wants it to happen quickly but I want to take things slowly, which he understands. But he wants us to do something called a fatiha, which I know nothing about other than what he has told me. He says it is only to make our relationship right in God's eyes and it's not a legal thing. It's just something for him and his religion and it has no real effect on me. Could anyone shed some light on this fatiha for me? Does it really have no effect on me? Why does he need to do it? I think as far as he's concerned, we will be married after we do it, but that's not the case for me. I don't view it as a wedding if it's not legal.

Any advice/opinions/comments would be gratefully received.

[Al-khiyal]

Salam wa mar7aba, welcome to Algeria.com

Until someone appears to give you more advice, you can (if you can handle the French,) get some information about fatiha > here < and > here <.

If you can't handle the French, just howl for help and we'll find a plan B.

[browneyedgirl12]

I don't actually speak French... But thank you for your help anyway. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any ideas about a Plan B.

[Al-khiyal]

> Plan B < - it's not perfect translation, but it can give you a good sense of what an article is about.

[browneyedgirl12]

Thank you again... I will give it a try!

[julie]

this from what i have found out i think is done because for him to come and see you it is haraam (a bad thing for him to be alone with you before you are married it is considered as not good for a man to be alone with a women if her father is not there because this can lead him to think about sinful actions i.e lust therefore thats probably why he wants to get married

Reading al-Fatihah is a very informal way of announcing that someone is going to be married. You could consider it a kind of engagement, though really there is no such thing as an engagement in Islam. It's a way of seeking Allah's blessing. It is a cultural thing - I don't think there's any Islamic proof that the Prophet Muhammad, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, did this when he intended to marry.

Not all mixed marriage are bad yes there are stories that would make your hair curl and make you think twice about it look at me i met my algerian husband age 17 we married when i was 19 and have been married 14 years Alhamdulillah (thank Allah) he didnt have papers when he came and my family all said he married you for papers my mum carried on saying that right up until we had been married for 7 years then she gave up, the only thing that you may have to consider is learning more about Islam as religion is importent to some Algerians, it was to my husband i became Muslim but it was my choice not his and i am very happy. Please feel free to ask me anything.

[Felicity]

Another point is if you think that the only kind of real wedding, is a legal wedding, then is a question of what religion you are. As a marriage is generally in front of God, so the fatiha should be seen as marriage... if you get what I mean. If you are not of any religion then as julie said, it is likely that you would have to choose to be a Jew/Christian/Muslim to marry him (i'm sure he'd prefer Muslim).

Bar that I don't think it sounds incredibly suspicious, I know my husband is now in the UK due to our marriage and my sponsorship of him, but I know him and trust him. A good Muslim would never use someone in such a way, so faith can be a strong indicator in what he's really about, and in that I think the fatiha is a positive indicator.