Confused.. =/

[meryooma_]

So, lately I've been trying to make friends with Algerian people online.. (for many reasons but i won't get into that)

& I have met some really cool people & some not-so-cool people. Both male & female. What really bothers me though is the mentality of some of the males I encountered on my quest to find new Algerian friends.

For example, most of the males I had gotten to know had been very disrespectful, asking me to become more than friends with em. & when I say no with my reasoning being that its unislamic, they get really angry and defensive & start to tell me that i'm a 'fake hijabi' because I talk to males online & that in Islam it is viewed in the same way as having a bf/gf relationship with someone. Are they right?


Also what is your view on bf/gf relationships & Islam? - some people think that its okay if you plan on getting married in the future, but isn't that what an engagement is for? :S

your opinions would be appreciated

[Serenity]

Assalamualaikum sister


I'm a non-algerian person here.

hmm ok I'm thinking which points to address first. Well a little about me so I can have a go at answering your queries.

I started wearing the hijab about 2 years ago simply because I felt spritually high and it felt right to start doing it, also I wanted to get deep into my deen because my knowledge is actually very poor and I made the decision that I wanted to live an Islamic life. Little did I know that the path to righteousness is a tough one, I do find it difficult but I'm willing to not back down and just keep going. Life is isn't life without the strife eh?

Yes I can say all hijabi girls to some degree have had experiences like yourself. There was one man who was interested in me, and quickly told me that he wanted to marry me. I thought great ok lets talk as I thought he would be suitable as well. He had initially made a good impression on me however when I got to REALLY know him I was schocked he didn't want marriage , he wanted a relationship and more , he spoke to me in the most immodest manner which left me very hurt and confused. I spoke to him about the Islamic formalities of how marriage works you know with haya and everything and was schocked to find that he didn't have a clue. Especially when the guy was alot older than me. When the convo ended I said I must go tell my family , he begged me and I mean proper begged me not to tell. Conclusion the guy was a snake basically.

But I can tell you that it doesn't matter which culture a man is from , if he is so far away from his deen hes gonna act like a fool and if sees what he wants he will try to pursue it.

With hijab I learnt that its not some piece of cloth its the way you carry yourself in your mannerisms, its a concept and it's also to do with segregation of the sexes. Its there to protect us. Yes its hard living in the world we live in where free-mixing is rampant, I can tell you I'm no perfect muslimah I may not do everything Islamically correct but I am willing to try in baby steps. Change does not happen overnight.

The people who called you a 'fake hijabi' should be ashamed of themselves. You are trying to be a good muslimah and you were right to tell them what you did.

In Islam there is no such thing as gf/bf relationships. If a boy and a girl want to get married a third party (being their families) get involved and an enagagement is made. This is again for purposes of modesty and protection of the boy and girl. There is no 'test driving' beforehand.

Apologies if I have come across as harsh. I hope I have answered your questions

Wasalaam

[meryooma_]

Thanks heaps for your reply.

I'm happy to say that we have the same views on the topic. I know that bf/gf relationships are unislamic. What I'm really confused about is whether males & females can be just friends without breaking the respect thats suppose to be there?

Also, I just want to explain that in my post i am not only talking about Algerian men in particular, i only used them as an example as they are the ones who i'm getting this behaviour from myself. I know that this behaviour can be shown by men of other cultures too.

[Serenity]

Assalamualaikum

im glad we r on the same wavelength

ahh about the can boys and girls be just friends? ok some may not like this answer. As part of haya intermingling between the sexes is limited, we only speak to each other if we really need to , something for necessity. If we need help or whatever. The way we approach each other is in a business-like, respectable and polite manner but nothing more than that. I give you an example say if some guy asks a girl to go out for a coffee, you know what the answer is going to be.

I know this is hard, this is coming from someone who used to be very 'liberal'. Yes I slip up a lot actually. But this is for our protection only. Prevention is better than cure, stop the door to temptation, you know what I mean. You can do a lot of research on this on gender interaction within Islam.

I think what I was trying to say in my previous point about men behaving badly lol is that I find that some muslim men like to target muslim girls (hijabi or not) in order to carry out their desires so they use religion as a pretence to make that move. Unfortunately it works because you know what happens next. I know I'm making it sound so bleak but this is the reality when people forget their deen, they forget their modesty and they do whatever the hell they like. Unfortunately this is rampant in muslim countries because people are imitating what they see on the tv.

I must stress I am not perfect but I believe Islam is there to better the whole of mankind.

You know you can set an example with your good behaviour and teach people a few lessons just being a good muslimah.

I hope I've answered your question.

Wasalaam.