Head or Heart? ...

[laceyx]

Hi everyone, I just joined this forum after searching for some info on Algeria and Algerian men. For the past few months I have been talking to a guy from Algeria (im British) we starting talking to each other after he sent me a message one day and since then we talk everyday for hours on skype (except when football is on lol) and text each other aswell. We are both young, he is abit younger than me (19 but going to be 20 soon) and im 21, anyways we talk about everything, life, love and the future. I have had boyfriends before but never been in a serious relationship, as there are somethings i consider should just be for marriage (if you get what i mean) but the things I feel in my heart now, I cant even describe them, I have never felt this way before for anyone but the problem obviously is the distance between us, so we have both said that until we meet we are just friends and then when we meet we will be in a serious relationship, I feel this is for the best because he can talk to other girls and I can talk to other guys. But then I think ok so when that day comes in the future and we meet it will be amazing but then it also really worries me because we are both really from two different worlds, its not because he is muslim that worries me, its the fact that he says if i was his wife i would have to be muslim, once again i have no problems with islam its just it would be such a big change, having to wear the head scarf and learning about a new religion, this means changing who i am, and my friends and family treating me different, scares me abit but i guess if its true love then this is something we could work on, but i really dont know ! Also then I think about when we get married that it will have to be in algeria and it will be so different to what im used to and then it will be hard to get him a visa and then when he comes and lives in my country that he will have no friends and will be starting new and what if he doesnt like it? will he leave and go to Algeria? then maybe we move to Algeria and have a family there but the traditions are so different there, the boys are different to girls there, he tells me that you dont see girls out after a certain time of the day, which in a way doesnt surprize me because it is a arab country but because thats not what its like where i live, I have the freedom to do what i want and i want that for my children! ok so i just realise that im ranting, anyways when we do meet it wont be for another year or 2, so i guess we will see then what happens, at the end of the day if he is the one i love and i am the one he loves then it doesnt matter, where we live or what religion i am or he is, as long as we have each other, i guess thats all that matters, right? as he always tells me he wants to live a simple life. Ok so I dont really know why I have decided to tell you's this, sometimes its nice to talk to people that dont really know you and maybe have had the same type of experience. I dont really think im asking advice or anything but would appreciate hearing anything you have to say x

[Felicity]

if you were to convert, make sure it is for the right reasons - not just for him. My husband did not ask me to convert as it is permissable for a Muslim man to marry a practicing Christian, but if you have no religion, then you would be required to be Muslim/Christian/Jewish if you were to have a religious marriage (I believe).

You seem to be on the right track to just continue chatting and not rushing to meet him or marry him, and you seem to be thinking about all the different possibilities which is again, a good sign that you have your head screwed on.

I would say so many things are to do with gradual compromise....

[laceyx]

Thank-you hun for your comment ! Yes i would only do it if i felt it was right for me, i would never change my religion because someone says i should. I understand that he wants his wife to have the same religion as him because he said then it would be easier in the future with children because he wants his children to believe and follow islam.

Yes hun, im not going to rush into anything, im enjoying getting to get to know him now, but i guess time will tell, if its meant to be then it will happen and your defo right about the gradual compromise.

I dont think we will be meeting for a while anyways because he is in university and well i have all my holidays already booked for this year lol xx

[Cheba_Mami]

Hi Laceyx, i hope it turns out well for you but often it doesnt because people think very light about relationships. That u think of the future is a good thing! think always very clear with ur HEAD! A lot of relationships do not survive like this -different cultures long distance etc, unless the love is deep and strong enough that u r sure that he neither u is interested in anyone else. And that also takes time. idd say first think with ur head and then the heart. And be aware that a lot of guys just get involved with EU/USA women for a Visa/greencard/passports and can be total angels until they get the desired paper. Keep that in mind!

Sorry that i have to be this negative but from the experience of those around me its 1 succesful relationship out of a 100. u can do the calculations yourself based on this. This makes me always very concerned when somebody askes me an opinion about it because ive heard and seen too much to tell something happy. I rather say: be aware... take ur time and do not accept bad behaviour!!! As men are very keen to make you fall in love so much ud want to sacrifice your all and then show their real face.

Nobody is perfect and it takes time to know his likes/dislikes and his character and all. And a good human being will treat u good all the way, and also others. Watch his words, how does he treats others? What do you guys do when angry? Does he apologizes when he makes mistakes? And how much contact does he keep? Coz if he doesnt keep in touch much youre just a number. And no women wants to be just anonther one. Does he speak of his family? Does he talk about you to his special near and dear ones? Does he respects you and ur other family members? I hope so for you. Find it all out!

If all is good, which i hope for you then you will get to know eachother well and good luck!

Miss Cheba M.

[mandy_moops]

I am a british woman married to an algerian man and when I met him I never realised for a second how hard it was going to be!
I thought of all the things you have mentioned about visas and religion and kids but it isnt the half of it. My husband and I are extremely happy and close but it takes alot of work!
first, if all goes well and you visit algeria to meet family etc. it will be nothing like you were thinking and will become very clear why most Algerians are looking for a way to leave. If you were to marry, he definately would not wish for you to live there no matter what he may claim. To marry in algeria he would need an income and be able to provide for his family appropriately to live just ok, he may marry sooner without this ability because he is banking on obtaining a visa and living elsewhere - if this were to fail, he would not want you in algeria because he would not be able to support you. Also, a man of any means in algeria can have his pick of very attractive young women. Algerian women are truely beautiful.
Marrying to move seems an easy option but him getting a visa to the uk once married is not plain sailing and as easy as you may think.
The systems in algeria are extremely slow (and i mean months and months for each step, get blood tests to be able to marry, arrange to get married, get papers signed by local police, get papers from army and on and on)and take alot of arranging and sorting out (and sometimes back handers to the right ppl) and unless you earn enough money to support yourself and new husband and can prove this, his visa application will be declined straight away. This means proving housing, living costs, medical everything.
And like i said, this is FIRST, i havent got to the hoops you jump through when/if he gets here with immigration, the costs, the difficulties in having completely different backgraounds which all seem endearing and lovely at first in a new relationship now seem like your from two different planets at times and speaking to each other under water. Kids are another dilema i just thank allah we have boys!
I am sorry this all seems very negative, I am being completely honest and prob wish someone could have told me all this so I would have had a little idea what was to come. It would not have made me change my mind though. I love my husband very much, my marriage is worth the hardships we have had and has made us stronger BUT be warned, like the lady before me said, plenty will be waiting for a paper and you wont see him for dust after.
Good luck x

[mme-fleur]

But, if you are putting him off don't you think that it means that you're not really keen on him? that's what it sounds like from this end of the line ...

Marriage is serious it's not a game and believe me when the time comes you'll know!
It won't be an if, ummm or a maybe it'll be a definite YES!


yours sincerely
PARTY POOPER

[Yas]

I'm Aussie, my husband is Algerian. We've been married for 3 years, but believe me we've had our ups and downs. We've worked hard and worked thru it, but there were times when i seriously thought it would be better to seperate.
If you truly love each other and are willing to work hard and understand where each other is coming from then it can work. We're extremely happy now, his family are amazing and we're trying to start a family of our own.
To be honest, i would think really carefully and get to know your guy really well before you make any decisions. Don't be shy either - you need to talk openly about how you both see your future.
I think whenever you have people coming together from different cultures you're bound to have difficulties. Algerian and British is no exception. Marriage is already a difficult thing, but add to that language and cultural differences, religion etc it just makes it all the more difficult. But then - all the more rewarding if you can make it work.
My husband is the sweetest, nicest, most generous man i've ever met. He works hard, does his share of cooking and cleaning (and all of the vacuuming and washing - thanks God) and i'm proud to be married to him. It's taken a while to get to the point where we know and understand where each other is coming from but i think the journey has been worth it.
Just go into this with your eyes open. Be prepared for it not to be easy. You'll need tonnes of patience and an open mind. and so will he. Good luck.