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Mixed relationships - Algerian and English!

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  • Mixed relationships - Algerian and English!

    Would anyone like to share stories/ideas about the troubles/benefits in mixed race/religion/culture/language relationships?

    Is it possible to find peace and harmony in a relationship with an English woman and an Algerian man?!

  • #2
    Dear English-girl,

    don't be silly. My dear, of course it is possible to love someone who falls within the categories which you named...It is possible when it is sincere. You think? That is not to say that being in a "mixed" relationship ( of whatever type - class or religion or race or...what have you ) may not be fraught with additional difficulties or certainly unique ones, but if the feelings are genuine, and the commitment is real, how can it not work? Would it not be as with any other relationship? HARD work but with excellent benefits?

    Best of luck to you and your potential mate!

    Respectfully,

    Addison

    " Ich will mit ihm gehen, den ich liebe.
    Ich will nicht ausrechnen, was es kostet.
    Ich will nicht nachdenken, ob es gut ist....
    Ich will mit ihm gehen, den ich liebe."

    ( "It is my will to go with the man I love.
    I do not wish to count the cost.
    I do not wish to consider whether it is good...
    It is my will to go with him whom I love." )
    Bertolt Brecht, from " Der gute Mensch von Sezuan "

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks, of course the hard work reaps excellent benefits, though sometimes I just feel like screaming - though maybe this is just men!

      Where was the quote from? I notice it was in German. It was very nice anyway.

      [Edited by English_girl on 23rd April 2003 at 10:32]

      Comment


      • #4
        Dear English_girl,

        if sometimes you feel like screaming, I reckon that it isn't "just men...!" It is just " Realtionship! " The sad thing I have observed when it comes to modern day relationships, is that when they begin to feel strain, or there enters into the equation some variable which is unpleasant, the realtionship begins to fall apart. Well, I am of a firm belief that it is at these times that relationships are simply tested and by this tesing are made to grow stronger.. How often could a problem
        or argument have been positively resolved if only the participants had been willing to converse with each other
        freely and honestly and respectfully about what ails them. Ah,...Communication: the lost Art. People have become so removed or distanced, if you will, from one another in this age of technological supremacy that we have forgotten the basics. People have grown quite fearful of relating intimacies to one another. How very unfortunate. People can chit chat with one another all day long on the
        anonymous platform of cyberspace, but put them together in the same room for 5 minutes and you would think that a new form of torture had been developed. Hmmmm. Give me the old fashioned face to face conversation any day...You say you sometimes feel like screaming? Then say so! " You know what? You make me feel like screaming!" Then of course, comes the question, " Why? " So many of us are tempted to
        say, " Because you are an idiot." What we ought to say is more along the lines of, "well, I'll TELL you why! " and then proceed to explain ourselves. Often our mates have no idea that they are participating in behavior which makes us angry...until we tell them. Of course, the second trick is to state your case without pointing fingers, or being cruel. Others often take their cues from us. If we start out in a civilized manner, it is higly likely that the discussion will remain civil. But this is HARD work. Realtionships I have observed are very much like the Peace Corps: They are the "toughest job you'll ever love."

        Um, the quote is from Bertolt Brecht, a 19th c. German playwright and poet. My knowledge of German is tragic at best and I use when I can the dual text with English on the one side, and German on the other. So, do not imagine that because I quote something in German that I am knowledgable in the language. Far from it!

        I am anxious to see if anyone will post their experiences on your thread. I would like very much to read some success stories!

        Best regards,

        Addison

        " Pains of love be sweeter far
        Than all other pleasures are. "
        Dryden, from " Tyrannic Love "


        Comment


        • #5
          Hi English girl,

          Yes it is possible to live in harmony alhamdulillah. I am English and have been married to an Algerian for 4 years and I know many other European women married to Algerians. If you want to discuss anything you can contact me in private at: amirah7079@hotmail.com

          Take care

          Comment


          • #6
            English_girl;

            Hi, here's a take from an Algerian male. There are many cultures in Algeria which define ethnicity. The differences are created/enforced by those in the value-system.
            Basically these range into 3 cathegories as people identify themselves:
            Pro-Arabo-Muslim
            language and religion neutral
            Pro-Amazigh(generally Kabyle)

            The Muslim will be someone with whom you will experience difficulties and extremism until break up, unless you abandon your identity and redefine your self (be integrated) that is what Algerians call Integrist - short of terrorist. I beg to make of him a brit and take away from Africa.

            The 2nd one: If you make sure through dialog that ramifications of islam-tinted Algerian-pluralist culture do not end up becoming a controlling mecanism in one hand and that you do not instictively infringe upon his identity and assumption on him (box in the 3rd world status) which mistake many Europens make inconsciously, then you will one day have beautiful children and experience what people pray for in the western culture "To know the difference".

            If he is of the 3rd one (Kabyle), then you will be doing a devine Justice and are upgrading your status in Humanity (I am biased, am I not ? (LOL)... Then a trip to Paris may get you the 1st document (marriage certificate) with the help non-profit organizations for undocumented persons. Algerians are extremely organized in France, especially Kabyle.

            Good luck and keep us informed.

            One thing: IF YOU HAVE TO BECOME "AMIRAH" change your identity be it immediately or in the future, then QUIT NOW, ecause you are not being discovered but USED, you not making love you're being F'D.

            Jugurten

            Comment


            • #7
              I see where you are coming from Jugerten and I know women like Amira, but I would be interested to hear what she has to say in her defense to your accusation of her relationship ("she's being used (and the latter F word)")?

              Are there any English wives out there who's Algerian partner has accepted them for who they are?

              Comment


              • #8
                English_Girl:

                I have know an English-Algerian couple in which the husband is a practicing Moslim. They have worked out their differences of course, but they had to go through a discovery of a set terms that he had used and their translation caused a separation for few months until he had to deal with all of that, which is a good thing. Consequently, his own relationship with his religion had to be re-looked at, and he admits it. As he says, he manages it it, instead of it managing him. So it's not a nationality or religion per say, it's the relationship between the person and the religion, that includes the clergy. At any rate, had she not been so self-sufficient in her culture, she would have engaged it and learnt instead of being introdueced to what her husband at his most emotional state. So before I quit this thread all together, I think it is a give a take. Good luck, and hope the best will come out of it.

                J.

                Comment


                • #9
                  English_girl,

                  Firstly, I don't reply to offensive, racist posts. (I'm referring to jugurten) Rudeness has no place in islam. Secondly, I don't understand how you can know "women like me" when you don't even know me.

                  I can only assume that the issue here is my conversion to islam which, I hasten to add took place over two years BEFORE I met my "Arab muslim" husband.

                  The reason I replied was to offer help, that's all.

                  Regards.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    English_girl

                    I am American of Hispanic/Latino origin...recently I was living in the U.K., but now residing in Spain with my Algerian husband. Although, I'm not British and only married a few months (however met my husband a little over two years ago), I felt I could add some insight...or at least share my experiences, and observations. PLZ, by no means do I want to come off as racist or insult anyone, but this has been an observation of mine, as well as what many white women have said to me regarding their marriages to men of colour and/or foreigners. The attention, romantic nature of most Algerian, Afro, Latino, etc. is quite alluring to most white women as they are usually coming from homes where this level of affection did not take place...also within relationships with white men in their past. There's definitely a draw. Also, the fact that many men particularly of No. African and Arab countries is that they can be so overly pleasing to the women they fancy...never accepting a woman to pay for a date...HELLO. They're just so gentlemen-the-like that women are blinded...blinded to the fact that there's some serious work to be done in order for this love to last.

                    Since you have already married English_girl what can I say but you're in it, lots of "homework" should have been done b4hand. Maybe as 'J' stated...you could just be experiencing what all married couples go through...so pinpointing at cultural/religious/racial differences is probably unfair. I will tell you this, b4 my husband and I married we discussed EVERYTHING WE COULD THINK OF, often times to the point of breaking our engagement. However, we had/have something that is priceless and that is: RESPECT...and I mean Aretha Franklin style I have always questioned things and my husband felt uncomfortable at times with me having such a strong personality, but came around one day and said to me..."Don't ever change, because if you do you will never be the woman I met and fell in love with." I come from a family background and culture that is very family oriented and fiercly proud of it's belief...I didn't need to find myself in another culture, or mindset, but just enjoy it's presence within my husband, friends, etc. I was a "studying" Muslim (still am, and with some serious doubts these days), but yet my husband has been 200% supportive, even questioning his own belief system, which b4 he took 4 granted as just "the ways" of his ancestors. We discussed so many topics b4 marriage...from life goals -to- the upbringing of our children when and if God blesses us. Overall, respect is the key...I can't stress this enough. When you have respect 4 another human being the most supposedly impossible differences and/or situations can be worked out, but when there is no respect even the most similar of individuals can have chaos. I say DISCUSS, DISCUSS, DISCUSS---WITH LOVE AND RESPECT, BUT STAYING TRUE 2 WHO YOU ARE. Remember you had a whole life of being you b4 meeting this man, therefore it's unresponsible 4 U to change your persona...unless you deem it necessary in pursuit of improving your life. There's nothing wrong with change, unless it comes from within and done 4 reasons of improvement and not 2 please someone else.

                    By the way, about 'J' picking on Amirah's name...note my signin name "Bushra" means glad tidings in Arabic, which is exactly what my Spanish name means. My family last name, Medina, is known in Latin America and Spain...yet it's origin is Arabic. Besides Amirah probably just uses this name as a way to save her real identity over the net, therefore don't jump on her when you don't have the background info. Besides, if in converting to Islam (not required unless the given name is vile) she decided on an Islamic, Arabic name...good who's 2 judge. Nothing wrong with this action, unless done for the sole purpose of "fitting in".

                    <b>~Lets be kind folks...All the Best.</b>

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Dear BUSHRA2,

                      Thanks for your wonderful post!! Nice of you to share such intimacies with us.

                      I think you are correct in saying the the key to any good relationship is the ability of its participants to communicate effectively with one another. Relationships of
                      any kind require a good amount of work, especially the romantic type. I think the ability to converse with one another in an unrestricted but respectful way is
                      instrumental in making a relationship last.

                      It is inspiring always to hear about relationships that are actually working, and not either in the midst of chaos or falling apart.

                      Thanks again for sharing and best of luck to the both of you.

                      Respectfully,

                      Addison

                      " Down on your knees,
                      And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love. "
                      As You Like It, III, ii

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        CORRECTIONS

                        Thanks, Addison, for your kind words. Actually, I want to correct parts of my post, grammar wise, as I wrote the reply very late last night and now read it and see quite a few mistakes that either change the meaning or just flat out looks funny. I meant irresponsible NOT unresponsible.
                        I meant gentlemanly like NOT gentlemen-the-like. Honestly folks, I'm not on any medication, just needed some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

                        Salam to ALL!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Dear BUSHRA2,

                          Don't be silly! Why do people here so often worry about things like grammar and such!! We all understand each other I think, even when we post after a long day, or when we are in a hurry, or,...or...!!!! Don't fret!

                          Best regards,

                          Addison

                          ( I hope you get yourself a rest this weekend, sleepy lady! )

                          " Tir'd Nature's sweet restorer, balmy sleep! "
                          Edward Young, "The Complaint: Night Thoughts"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Dear Ladies: Hello and Sallam.

                            I 2 re-read my post and admit that I assumed that Amirah had simply adopted the name or pseudo-name as an IDITIFIER. Either way, it does show how one think of one-self.

                            Now, another way of saying a CRAZY, MAD, FOOL, etc... is "being out of one-self", i.e loosing reason.

                            Self and Identity in my opinion are 2 interchangeable words to fit grammatical contruction, but at the end we mostly express values we assign to attributes, which are components of this identity or self. The 1st one is one'sname, before any thing else. What I do not understand is how a given set/combinations of letters is better than the other. I admit, it's a limitation I fail to grasp, just the Kabyles, the Kurds, the Afganis, the persians/Iranians, the Tiger-rebels in sri Lanka, and many others including Palestinians who reject assimilation fail to grasp as well. These plcaes are where ZRAZY things are taking place...

                            It seems to me that it is the Ostrich theory. Hide or change your face/Identity, and every thing will be perfect!

                            I think, and I read this somewhere's that it is the acceptance of solving problems that are at their root of material nature that create discomfort which itself results from discrimination. Humans need to feel that they belong in something glorious and respectful, and many times hopelessless make us settle for any thing at all, including self-denial. Is it not the common denominator in all religions, presented to us with haeven and hell?
                            AGAPE / unconditional love is the name of the game !
                            Anyone settling for any rhing less than that is just fooling themselves.
                            In my previous post, I too just tried to raise the issue of communication, and debate of issues. One old Scott lady tought me something..."You buy the premise, you buy the bid!" - This idea of buying one's self-denial with "pay for the date" thing validates confirm that it's all about material, etc. "Human conditions" matter. So, so qualified as "white/european, etc..." short of "Chritian" equality in facing "material/rea" conditions is in my opinion a sign of honesty, openess, realism...

                            English_Lady, now that we all have pushed you in all directions, if you are still in love, they the seed of that love is real. You have my blessings ! If you get those of Addison, then go for Kids too !

                            Cheers,
                            Jugurten

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Dear English_Lady,

                              I expect that you and your mate will be just fine! ( if you stay away from in-laws..! Just kidding, of course...) You sound quite together to me. All relationships have a rhythm, right? As unique as it may be to each couple, it is nevertheless there. I think the trick is realizing that there IS an fluctuation and not a stady stream as it were, and not lose your head over those rough spots. If you didn't have the struggles, then you would never grow as a couple would you? So....go have a sit in your car, turn on the radio real loud, and scream your head off for about a minute. Get it all out, and then you will be ready to talk if you need it!

                              What do you think?

                              Hang in there lady!!!

                              Best regards,

                              Addison

                              " Things base and vile, holding no quantity,
                              Love can transpose to form and dignity.
                              Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
                              And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind. "
                              Midsummer Night's Dream, I, i.


                              Jugurten,

                              you ARE a deadly little charmer, aren't you! I am glad that you decided not to leave over the " mysterious vanishing thread " episode.

                              Take good care!

                              Comment

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