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  • USA Lady dating and Algeria Man

    Originally posted by setareh View Post
    I love everything you are saying haha! I am dating an Algerian and I would loooooove to ask you some questions. I am new to this so I do not know how it works, but if you can message me privately, please do.
    Don't really understand your point but thanks

    Comment


    • Hello Happy,setareh,

      I'm an American and I'm married to an Algerian man. We have 4 children together and I in fact live in Algeria for now 6yrs. I've went throu almost all experiences from getting married to my husband in Algeria, getting residency, getting my chahada cert here, giving my children here, buying property, driving license, working etc ... I won't say life here or with an Algerian man isn't challenging but it is very worth it given that he is in fact a person mindful of God.

      You have asked many questions which I am happy to answer to, but given that is Ramadan and that I have 4 kids my time online is limited so be patient with me to answer them all. Or in fact email me. There are also many forums and groups for women with ties to Algeria where you can get various experiences sister since one person's opinions sdoesn't really give always realistic view.

      Plz PM me for my experience. But here are some groups to join if you like Facebook & Djazaïriya

      Comment


      • Dear anon13,
        I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, but quite frankly this person(s) you were involved with were not real men, real Muslims at all. Women need to wake up getting involved with any type of men, the rights and responsiblies God has put forth for us. These laws are present in not only the Quran but Bible and Torah -- only problem we have programmed to follow to give ourselves to men on a platter. As the saying goes, no one will buy the cow if you are giving the milk away for free! If this Algerian you had been involved with was a real Muslim then first he wouldn't be your boyfriend in the beginning. Since the Quran is clear about the relationship btwn men and women. If he was interested in you, he would make it a halal (lawful) relationship by marrying you. And respecting you in the pre-martial process by not asking you for sexual favours, money etc. If he were truly Muslim then HE would be the one paying for everything. Algerian women don't pay for anything before the marriage and esp not after. Their mahr (dowry) is quite high here and the cost of a wedding is more then the cost of a car ... so NO marriage isn't a joke here. I think and I'm sorry if I offend anyone --- I know before I was a Muslim I too was in the dark about the rights as a women God gave me. I am happy to share with anyone my marriage to my husband. But I am not willing to write it up online for all the Internet to see. If anyone is interested in my marriage specifcally I can tell you in private. But in general, when Algerian man wants to get married -- traditionally his mother looks for him a suitable wife within her 'circle of people" some ppl still do this, while others use more modern methods like looking at their school, workplace, friends circle or even online. There isn't anything wrong with looking for a mate online, but one does need to be cautious since people can easily lie and use you. Hence the reason God gave us rules to go by so us women DON'T get used!!!

        God says in the Quran if you find pious person, meaning they follow the rules God has put before them, then you will have a good mate. Sure you can look for a mate by their looks, riches, status, family etc but these aren't going to garantee you a good mate, only seeking the pious will.

        The red flags are clear if the man isn't practising ;;; most likely he will use you since he doesn't fear God, he doesn't have shame for his acts. Algerian men have high pride and honour - they wouldn't think to ask their mothers or sisters to pay for them anything ... so why would they ask foreign women to? It's a good question to ask yourself .... and HIM.

        Again I'm sorry that happened to you, obviously that person wasn't the type of men worth anything but it doesn't mean ALL ALgerian men are like that. Cos I am living here in Algeria now 6yrs and been with my husband 10yrs ... and believe from day one he treated me right, according to what God said men should treat women. I never paid for one thing in the whole marriage, he never beat me, never used me for papers, never used me to "built himself" financially then divorce me etc. And living here I see how many people are ... some good, some not. Not good to generalize.
        There are as I have mentioned many support groups for women with ties to Algeria. I am happy to pass them along to anyone if they like.

        Also a final advice to all women before getting into a serious relationship with Algerian men ---- SEEK KNOWLEDGE! get info on him as much as possible, including his habits, family etc. EVen if you are not a Muslim, learn about the marriage in Islam, know what a REAL Muslim Algerian should be like (and if he is not, then beware that the road ahead will be very rocky for you), Visit him in his home before committing to any marriage see him on his home turf don't just meet online talk then apply for him a visa to your country. and finally don't pay for anything. Make him treat you just as if you were an Algerian girl - sure don't ask for a 50,000dollar mahr there is blessing in asking for a small mahr, but what I mean is he should be providing for YOU not the other way around. In the Quran, Bible and Torah all 3 say this men are the maintainers of women, not vice versa.
        Enchallah kheir Happy Ramadan and if anyone likes I am happy to talk privately about my marriage and share the support group links too!

        Comment


        • English women with Algerian men

          As-salamu Alikum,
          I wonder if any other ladies have been in my situation. After one year of being with my partner, he decided to inform his mother back in Algeria that he had met a british non-muslim girl. Unfortunately his timing was not great as his grandfather had just died. This was just before Ramadan. At this time his mother told him to get back to Algeria and marry a muslim girl. He suddenly felt torn in two and needed time to think. I respected his wishes and did not see him during the month of Ramadan and only met him yesterday for the first time. He has now told his mother all about me and is waiting on her decision. Now I am a patient, understanding person and can totally see things from her point of view but feel uneasy about my future being placed in her hands. I have never spoken to her and feel I would like to put my case forward to her as how can she decided I am not right for him if she does not know me. I would never ask my partner to choose between me & his family. A similar thing happened to my friend and after 5 years in a relationship his parents said no to their marriage and they seperated, leaving her heartbroken. In my case his mothers only concern is that I am not muslim. I read about Islam to get a better understanding but am no means ready to convert. At the moment it is a waiting game. Any Advice or stories?
          Thanks

          Comment


          • Wedding In England

            Hi

            I am new to the site so hello to all

            I have been with my Algerian man for over a year and we have decided to get married. He has a holiday visa which is valid for 6 months. You do not need to get a certificate of permission now which means that we can get married in the UK with no problems.
            My concern is that his visa runs out shortly so we will have to apply for a visa where he can stay in the UK and eventually apply for permanent residency. I have read the other threads about Visa's but has anyone in the UK done this recently?
            I am very new to the whole Islam thing and so far I have read a lot and am being told a lot by my partner. So far I am in agreement with most things and am very open to all ideas. My partner would also like to have a Muslim wedding here in the UK which would make things right for him. Can anyone advise me from an English non Muslim point of view?
            Sorry for the questions. I have 100's more I promise

            Comment


            • marriage

              I think none is taking algerian men from algerian women except destiny - we all choose at the beginning what to do and whom to be with but at the end the destiny took you to the nationality or the land that you never ever thought one day to be with ; i wish if i can find my happiness with anyone

              Comment


              • Very depressed over Algerian man - HELP

                Hi, this post might be very long but I want to go over everything and would greatly apperciate any advice on what to do with my situation. I'm a 29 yr old woman from North America with English heritage. I was recently visiting London as I have immediate family there. I came to London in April 2012 and on one day I took my nephew to the park for him to play. At the park, there was a georgous Arabic man with blue eyes playing with his disabled son. It turned out this man was Algerian. Any way, his son took a liking to my nephew and started playing with him. I was so in awe of this little boy because even though he was disabled he didn't let it get in the way and was always smiling and laughing, he really cheered me up as I was having a bad day. I started talking to this man asking him if he was this little boys Dad, The reason I asked was because the little boy had blonde hair and fair skin. He said "yes" with a huge smile on his face. As we were talking about his son, he was just standing there staring at me with a huge smile on his face the whole time. He appeared a little nervous though with his hands in his pockets. Any way, my friend who was with me knew him as she was an old neighbour of his. She asked him if he was still with his wife and he said no and referred to her as his ex. I guess you could say there was an instant attraction between both of us, it was very intense you could have sliced it with a knife. I pretty much fell for him right away because he was single dad raising a disabled child all on his own. I really admired this. We stayed at the park for an hour and he didnt leave until we did. He knew I didn`t live in London and even though I had to come back to London in July, at the time it didn`t seem logical to exchange numbers but after leaving the park I couldn`t stop thinking about him. So the next day I asked my friend to take me to his house so I could see if he wanted to go to the park again with his son and my nephew, he wasn`t home so I left a note. I went back the next day and he was home. He answered the door with a huge smile again, and came to meet us at the park with his son. The whole reason I took the chance to go to his house in the first place was because of the way he was smiling at me, I could tell he really liked me. I was soo nervous though.

                We stayed at the park for a little while because it was cold so he then asked to take my nephew and I to go for some lunch with his son. He payed for everything, even though I offered to pitch in. He made sure to let me know that his sons mother was English, I took this a hint letting me know he likes white blonde hair blue eyes, which is what I have. I saw him take a quick look at my chest but I just brushed this off as normal since he is a man. He then pulled out two phones and gave me one which had his phone number displayed. He said for me to call him when I come back to London in July. He wanted to take me and my nephew swimming, to the animal farm when i got back. This man wanted to spend more time with us that day but I had to take my nephew back home, so he offered a ride. He was so nice and charming, I was as you say completely head over heels. I flew home a few days after and the next 3 months I thought about him everyday. I started excersizing and eating healthy, I wanted to look great for when I saw him again. He told me he goes to visit Algeria every late Aug and I actually had to come back to London in July for family matters but I arranged the dates so that I would leave London at the same time he left for Algeria. Hoping we could get to know eachother more.

                Because I thought the world of him it made me so nervous yet so excited and I called him about a week after arriving in London and he was so happy to hear from me, he was a little nervous too stumbling over his words. It was so sweet and cute and I just couldnt wait to see him. We planned to take the kids out the following week and didn`t talk until then. When I talked to him next, he told me he had to go to Algeria earlier this year for a family emergency and that he wanted to see me before he left. I didn`t tell him that I had booked my flights around his schedule, so I felt really sad but there was nothing I could do. We made plans to go out just him, his son and myself. I was 2 mins late where he was picking me up from and he called me with a panicy sort of tone, possibly thinking that I had set him up. Any way, I met him and he looked so amazing, he dressed up for me and bought me a gift of parfume and chocolates. I also brought a gift for his son. He took me out for lunch where a bunch of his Arabic friends worked. I felt like this was on purpose so he could show me off to his friends. He payed for lunch, he then took me out all day showing me around London. He would adjust the windows in the car so the wind wouldn`t blow my hair. He would always look at me, watch my every move, when I would talk. I was quite nervous but I liked this man so much. We talked and the date couldnt have gone more perfect. He dropped me off and asked for my number in my country so we could talk. He asked if I could come back to London at Xmas to visit. I had such a great time bonding with his son too, he really liked me. I told him how I didn`t know if I could come back so soon as it would be my third time in one year but I it was something to think about for sure. I gave him a hug and he kissed me on the cheek. It was so sweet.

                After about 20 mins I got a text from him telling me how he`d had such a lovely time and that he really liked me and that he would speak to me soon. At the time I didn`t know but the day after he took me out was ramadaam and once I found out I couldn`t help but wonder if he had lied to me about having to go to Algeria early. If he did lie, its okay because I can understand why. Any way, I had such a great time with him and his son that I decided I wanted to extend my trip afterall and wait for him to come back. I really thought this man was a keeper, so I was about to do anything to help that happen. My father hurt himself a few days after I made the desicion to stay and had to be hospitalized. It all worked out because I would have had to stay to visit my Dad any way. When this man came back from Algeria, he was expecting me to be back in my country. I told him my dad hurt himself and that I had to extend my trip, Out of fear of rejection I couldnt tell him I intially extended it for him and not my dad. He wanted to see me right away but I had gained a few pounds when he was away so I wanted to get back in shape before I saw him again, I didn`t let him know that though. I told him that Id call him on the weekend to let him know if I could meet up. At the time I didn`t know but I called him and by accident I dialed the wrong number and a woman picked up, I hung up thinking he had lied to me about not having a woman in his life so I called back twice panicing. I was a bit shocked and asked him about this and he assured me it wasn`t his number but keeping it to myself I stupidly just assumed he was lying. This was in the back of my mind for a while, so I had my guard up a little after this. I found out it was a wrong number much much later.

                I asked if we could meet up the following weekend (because I wanted work out more to look good for him) and he said yes. I noticed after this phone call he wouldn`t answer my phone calls right away like he had before and would wait at least an hour every time before calling me back. When I did talk to him though it was great and he never wanted to get off the phone. We made plans to meet up the next weekend but he said he had to meet his friend first before seeing me. He asked if I liked drinking which I thought was odd because I thought Muslims arent supposed to drink that much. Anyway, I dressed up and looked great that day he came to pick me up with his son. He seemed a little nervous again and to be honest I was so incredibly nervous as well because I liked him so much. He took me out for lunch, then asked if I wanted to go shopping for food and then go back to his house for some drinks. I said yes because of course I liked him. He bought me some wine. He had beer at home which I thought was strange since he told me he only drinks a few times a year but that he used to drink a lot before his son was born. We went back to his house, he made me dinner as I played with his son. We were both nervous and he mostly stayed in the kitchen as I stayed with his son in the living room. We were talking though and it was going great regardless of the nerves. He put his son to bed and after having more to drink, he suddenly sat next to me and start kissing me out of no where. I guess he needed to get drunk in order to do this. He was also chain smoking which I put down to nerves as well. It was like universes colliding when we kissed, he was trying hard to impress me and I was trying to get him to slow down. But it was a big tension release to kiss. I was menstrating that day and as I told him this, he seemed a bit upset and said `why didn`t you tell me` even though he was still kissing me. we did get intimate in other ways but it was special to me because I admired this man and was so attracted to him. I told him how much I liked him and said to me that he thought he liked me more than I liked him. Aftewards, he layed on my chest as I played with his hair. he told me how no one has played with his hair since his mother did when he was a child. He said he could hear my heartbeat... so many sweet things.

                Comment


                • We went to bed and I couldnt sleep because I was so nervous. I was so disoriented the next day from lack of sleep that I was so out of it and I was nervous that I looked hideouss since I wasn`t expecting to sleep over and still had my make up on and no tooth brush or anything with me. He noticed I was shy and kept asking me if I was okay.. and I guess he was feeling shy too because he stayed in the kitchen most of the time. He later told me he thought I was uncomfotable around him and his son. I was just feeling really insecure because I wanted to look good at all times for this man. Regardless he cooked for me, offered me tea, juice, snacks, he was just so nice. I told him I needed to leave to go visit my Dad, and he said to me `to be honest I thought youd stay the whole day and leave later`He didn`t want me to leave. He said he`d give me a ride when I wanted to go. But as it was getting late, he started to drink again and he put his son to bed. I know he wanted me to stay the night again but I was so sleep deprived and nervous about how I looked that I said Id take a taxi since he had already beeen drinking. He didn`t want me to leave asking why Im taking a taxi. Looking back I should have stayed because I think he thought I was rejecting him . He said hed call me in the week to make arrangments for the next fri when we were to meet up next. By this point he was asking me to stay In London for longer for my Dad and not leave but I told I have to go back at some point for work.

                  Any way, I sent him an email after a few days but never heard from him. I felt so sick to my stomach because I thought he had compltetely rejected me, I waited a few days and then called him on thursday and he never answered or called back. I then texted him saying how I tried to get ahold of him and how I was looking forward to seeing him and his son. I finally then got a text from him the night before we were supposed to meet up saying he was so sick with the flu he couldnt talk and that if he was feeling better on sat he would call to see me. I felt so relieved because I was thinking the worst. Although, I couldn`t help but think that he was playing a few mind games with me. I kept thinking, he could have still got ahold of me sooner to let me know he was sick and that there might be the possiblility that we werent going to be able to meet up. The reason I think he was playing games is because he said he never got my email that i sent, so he was probably assuming that I never reached out to him thanking him after the great weekend we had, he probably thought I had rejected him by not calling him or texting. (Also, the big elephant in the room is that I dont live in the same country, so he was probably protecting himself. The thing is, with how much I Liked this man, admired, respected him and his son and with how well it had been going, I would have done whatever was needed. Considering I have family in London, I have been thinking about moving to London for a while so this would have been a no brainer for me. I was HEAD OVER HEELS!)

                  By this time I only had two weeks left in London so I went to go see my nephew and his mom for the weekend. He did call on Sat to see me but said he was still sick and it was up to me if I wanted to come over. I told him Id check with my nephews mom to see if she was okay with me leaving and call him back in 20 mins. I called him but he didnt answer and called me back an hour later. I told him my nephews mom wanted me to stay and asked him if I could see him during the week. he said it would be better to visit on the weekend because of his son being at school so we decided on meeting on the following fri. He said he would call during the week before we were to meet up and I stupidly said, are you sure. Because I could tell he was playing mind games now and he just said yes he would call and that he couldn`t call me the last week because he couldnt talk with the flu. He then said he might call me later that night and I said Id love that. he never called. he did call the next night late. we had a great conversation and he asked if i missed him. I said he yes and said he missed me too and that he wished i had come on sat. he said to me, that he couldnt understand how talkative i am on the phone but when i was at his house i was so shy. he then started reminissing about when we first met and that he liked how i was shy. we talked for over an hour and he said that I should now come stay at his house on wed until the sunday that i was flying home. I was confused because before he said week days dont work for him. I never said yes or no because i knew i had to do a bunch of things before leaving london and if i was going to stay with him during the week i had to rearrange a few things so i could spend my last few days with him. i asked him to call me before wed and we`ll make plans then. he said sure no problem. I noticed when I asked him how long we had been talking, he took this as me wanting to get off the phone, and he quickly said oh i have to go because i dont have many minutes left. I could now tell that whenever he felt like I was rejecting him, he would do it to me first. I then arranged everything so I could go stay with him during the week. he never called or texted so I texted him on tues saying how I was looking forward to seeing him and his son. He never texted back. On wed I was so depressed, sick to my stomach, emotionally drained. I went out during the day just to clear my mind and just so happened to run into him having coffee with his friend. I was with my Mum and when I saw him we both met eyes but he kept talking to his friend and didnt get up to talk to me, I kept walking and sent my mom outside while i went back to go talk to him. he stood up smiling nervous with his hands in his pockets, making small talk, i gave him a hug but i never brought up the fact that he never called me after he made tentitive plans with me. he was sitting with his friend that he took me to show me off to at on our first date. I as very unwell stressing over him playing games with me and he could see that in my face. I was so shy and nervous that I was shaking because he had rejected my texts and calls. I asked him to call me and he said he`d call me later. He did call twice in a row, but I had an emergency visit to the hospital due to medical reasons so i missed his calls. I had always been so available to him when he called and this was the first time I wasn`t. I called him the next day. he didn`t asnwer, so i texted him and he called me late that night saying how his phone was at his friends house so he couldnt call sooner. im betting he just took too long to call me back because he was playing games. he said he was worried about my health though. we talked for an hour but i never brought up the fact that he sold me out about me coming over during the week. he said to me with concern that he thought that i liked my country better than london. i took this as him being confused by me and my motives. I know he really liked me and he wanted me to move to london but couldnt bring himself to ask me. he mentioned how i should move to london for my family, for my work everything but for him. he was big at hinting things but could never ask what he was thinking or feeling inside. I told him that I was planning on coming back in one month and that I was going to stay indefinitely. By now it was already thursday so our plans for me coming over during the week were out the window. He asked me to come on friday istead but said to call before i come. I called and he didnt answer. he texted asking me to come later than when we planned. usually he`d put an x at the end of the text but this time nothing. He normally picks me up to but this time I walked. I asked him if I should bring anything he said no. I came and I thought he`d make me dinner like the last time but he didn`t offer anything until I asked if I could eat before drinking wine that he had just bought me. He stayed in the kitchen again most of the time while I was playing with his son. He put his son to bed early. I could tell things were different and he was more distant but I liked him so much that I didn`t care, I just wanted to be around him and his son before I had to leave. We talked for a while while we were drinking and he kept asking when I was coming back. He then came and sat next to me suddenly again and started kissing me like last time. He commented on how good I was at kissing, then after a while he pulled out a condom. I made the first move but we both were mutually engaging in this. He made sure to please me many times before himself and was trying really hard to impress me. After we talked and I was talking about having kids one day and he was all ears. He said he was feeling sick as he was laying on my chest, I was trying to comfort him by stroking his skin, he fell asleep on me. In bed he started developing a fever and was very distant and wouldnt cuddle me like before. Again, I was so nervous I couldnt sleep. The next morning I had a bath at his house and ended up getting a bladder infection from the wine and intercourse. I was under the impression that we were going to hang out all day like we did the last time and being that I was leaving the next morning for my country, I thought hed want to spend as much time with me. but then he went and took a bath with his son and came out all dressed ready to leave. I had no idea what was going on and I panicked. I was in so much pain from the bladder infection and asked him if he was going out.

                  Comment


                  • He said that he had to meet him friend in an hour and I asked him if he was planning on dropping me off and he said yes. I almost fainted, and said to him that I felt used. He was very offended by this and asked how had I been used. He then said that this is why he doesnt like relationships becasue they are too much headache. He got mad and said he`s not staying indoors on a sat with his hyper son, when his reasoning for me coming on the weekend in the first place was so he could relax indoors watching tv and not worry about taking his son to school. So many mixed signals but he was probably confused by me as well. He said just because Im going to see my friend doesnt mean i dont like you, he said that i could come with him but at first he said he was going to drop me off. he was going to take me for coffee before but i was in so much pain i asked to go home. I kept apologizing for offending him, and told him how much i respected him and wanted to spend more time with him before i left and how i was so confused over how he wanted me to come in the week then sold me out. I asked him if he still liked me and he said, if i didnt like you why would i ask you to come visit london at xmas. he dropped me off and i gave him a hug, i gave him another hug this time he kissed me on the cheek. he said for me to skype him when i get back to my country and to make sure to see a dr for my health.

                    I was so shocked and dumbfounded how all this went down, as it wasn;t the happy ending i thought it was going to be. I am at fault for a lot I just wish it turned out differently. he called me later that night asking me how i was, i thought that was a good sign that he still cared. then when i told him i felt better after taking some left over antibiotics, he said he had been thinking of what i said about feeling used and he just came out with it. he sounded so angry saying how he was the one who felt used by me leaving a dirty dish in the sink, which he had noticed i had done a few times now, also how i left some soap on the side of the bath after i was done and how i never brought my own wine to his house. he compared me to english people or women and how when they come to his house they at least clean their own dishes or bring their own drinks. he said all woman want from him is sex. he said that i was the one who jumped on him and that he really didnt want to have sex with me becasue he was feeling sick but he didnt want to hurt my feelings by saying no. which doesnt make sense since he had a condom waiting in his pocket. and how he was the one who started kissing me first. I told him why i got upset and said i felt used because i thought i was supposed to come over during the week, then i didn`t hear from him and how i thought he`d want to see me as much as possible before i left. he just said that he decided it wasnt good idea because his son comes first (which i completley understand and agree) having to go to school and that he didnt need to call me to let me know because he said maybe and that it was never offical plans when I know he called it off because he thought i had rejected him like i mentioned above. he said to me that I need to look at myself and not judge others and that i need to think before speaking. i was so shocked and couldnt believe my ears. he said he put his son to bed early because he thought i wasnt comfortable around him, but i was just so shy and nervous around this man because i liked him so much it must have seemed like that to him. i just kept saying how i didn`t mean to offend him when i said i felt used and how in my country when you visit someones house you arent expected to clean your dish. we then ended the conversation on somewhat of a good note but he was still mad at me. he kept saying for me to text him my skype address and telling me to visit a dr in my country to help my medical problems. After this phone call i became so depressed because i had spent all these months dreaming of him, only for all this to happen. the next morning was my flight and my bladder infection came back. it was so painful and only got worse on my 10 hour flight. by the time i got home i had to go to hospital and stayed in for a bad kidney infection as the ifection traveled from bladder to my kidneys. i was so sick. when i was released i stayed in bed, sick, with jetlag.

                    I think he called me but I dont have caller id so im not sure. but when I was feeling better, about a week and half of being back, I called him. Im pretty sure he set up call forwarding, so that when he saw it was me calling, he let it ring and before his answering machine came on it switched over to another ring tone, ringing another five times and his friend picked up. I thought it was my guy at first and asked his name only for his friend to say that it wasn`t him and how my guy had given him his phone number. i was so confused and he asked if i wanted his new number and i yes that would be great. he asked me to call back so he could get it in the phone. i called back twice and he never answered. i was set up. i emailed him and got no asnwer. after not hearing anything i wrote him a long letter telling how i felt about him, how i had booked my flights around his schedule, how i extended my trip how i was coming back for him, how much i admired him for being a single father looking after his disabled yet beautiful and loevely son whom i adore. everything, telling him how i never just used him for sex and just explaining everything. I sent along photos i took of him and his son, photos of myself.. i sent a birthday card with money for his son. and i have heard nothing. i am pretty sure that he thinks that i rejected him by taking so long to call him, so he wanted to punish me by making me believe i cant call him anymore becasue i dont have his number. im convinced he set up call forwarding and had his friend in on it. but i was so sick and depressed and jetlagged i needed to get well first before calling him because it really stressed me out.

                    i am trying to make sense of all this, im so depressed and cannot stop crying because i still care for this man and his son, my heart goes out to them both, and i am not mad at all because i realize he was just afraid of rejection and this is was his way of protecting himself. I am just so sad, and just want to talk to him to make him see or realise I only had good intentions. Please if anyone has any advice on what I should do, I bought his son and this man gifts to try and show my appreciation for all that he did for me, but I think he thinks I was just using him. Im so sad he thinks this about me.. Most people just tell me to leave it alone but I believe there were some cultural misunderstandings going on that made everything turn for the worse. The attrattion between this man and I was so strong that I know if we saw eachother again wed both be smiling and nervous because we like eachother so much. I never believed in chemistry before but I cant get the image of his beautiful smiling face out of my head and the way we kissed, just pure beauty.

                    Please HELP

                    Comment


                    • *Emily* I'm afraid I don't have much to add, but I don't see many cultural problems here, more just that he is a man - practising Muslims don't drink, and would never buy alcohol/ encourage others to drink or have sexual relations outside of marriage, so I'm unsure on how serious he is on his faith.
                      I was thinking guests don't wash their dishes - but actually if you're a woman, then he'd probably be expecting you to do all the cleaning (when I first met my husband he had me doing his dishes, making him lunch and folding his washing during dates - ha!)
                      ... Algerian men definitely don't show off their women to their friends (that is a very Western thing to do) - what is the time scale of this relationship as I was slightly confused when reading your posts...
                      Algerian men generally have very quick fiery tempers, and you may be taking the arguments to mean more than they do.

                      I'm sorry I couldn't be much help but didn't want your post to go unanswered.

                      Comment


                      • Be Yourself

                        Dear Emily,

                        As I read your postings, my heart bounced around, having "been there." I only want to encourage you in a few points, and I'll keep this short:


                        1. First, if is not "him" who is pursuing you, it will not work. Men are men, and need to be the ones taking the lead and pursuing the woman.

                        2. Second, sex before it is really mutually desired does nothing but trigger the "oxytocin" in our systems, which then bonds us to another whether we are ready or not.

                        3. Don't ever believe that you have to work out more, or weigh a few less pounds, before meeting a man you are attracted to. If he cannot accept you as you are, in the moment, he is not a good fit for you, regardless. Men seek women whom they accept, exactly as they are in the moment.

                        I think that is I all I can offer. If you search on "New_Friend" in the "Horror Stories with Algerian Men" thread, I suppose you would learn more. But it was all a long time ago now. Time heals, time gives us understanding. And most of all, God is merciful.

                        May God bless you and keep you!

                        Sincerely,
                        New_Friend

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Tasha View Post
                          Salam Ladies

                          Just thought I would start a new thread for us English ladies (or any western ladies for that matter) dating/married to Algerian men.

                          I am 25 and have been with my Algerian bf for over 5 years know. Just think it's nice for us to get to know each other, share our experiences and just chat about stuff in general x
                          hi there..im married to an algerian man but only with the immam...however i do want to marry him in the uk...he doesnt want to live here we just want to get married and then i'll fly out there for a big berber bash with all the trimmings..

                          can anyone tell me if he can get married here on a general visitors visa or do we need to apply for a special type?

                          many thanks

                          Comment


                          • Married to Algerian...

                            Hi,I have been with my Algerian hubby for 17yrs now,we have lived here in Algeria since 2003... There are lots of us ex-pats here from all over the world,all sharing the same bond of being married to our lovely Algerian husbands!!

                            Comment


                            • Emily: Update

                              Hi,

                              So how are things? What has happened between the two of you since then?

                              Sylvia

                              =emily1983;547780]He said that he had to meet him friend in an hour and I asked him if he was planning on dropping me off and he said yes. I almost fainted, and said to him that I felt used. He was very offended by this and asked how had I been used. He then said that this is why he doesnt like relationships becasue they are too much headache. He got mad and said he`s not staying indoors on a sat with his hyper son, when his reasoning for me coming on the weekend in the first place was so he could relax indoors watching tv and not worry about taking his son to school. So many mixed signals but he was probably confused by me as well. He said just because Im going to see my friend doesnt mean i dont like you, he said that i could come with him but at first he said he was going to drop me off. he was going to take me for coffee before but i was in so much pain i asked to go home. I kept apologizing for offending him, and told him how much i respected him and wanted to spend more time with him before i left and how i was so confused over how he wanted me to come in the week then sold me out. I asked him if he still liked me and he said, if i didnt like you why would i ask you to come visit london at xmas. he dropped me off and i gave him a hug, i gave him another hug this time he kissed me on the cheek. he said for me to skype him when i get back to my country and to make sure to see a dr for my health.

                              I was so shocked and dumbfounded how all this went down, as it wasn;t the happy ending i thought it was going to be. I am at fault for a lot I just wish it turned out differently. he called me later that night asking me how i was, i thought that was a good sign that he still cared. then when i told him i felt better after taking some left over antibiotics, he said he had been thinking of what i said about feeling used and he just came out with it. he sounded so angry saying how he was the one who felt used by me leaving a dirty dish in the sink, which he had noticed i had done a few times now, also how i left some soap on the side of the bath after i was done and how i never brought my own wine to his house. he compared me to english people or women and how when they come to his house they at least clean their own dishes or bring their own drinks. he said all woman want from him is sex. he said that i was the one who jumped on him and that he really didnt want to have sex with me becasue he was feeling sick but he didnt want to hurt my feelings by saying no. which doesnt make sense since he had a condom waiting in his pocket. and how he was the one who started kissing me first. I told him why i got upset and said i felt used because i thought i was supposed to come over during the week, then i didn`t hear from him and how i thought he`d want to see me as much as possible before i left. he just said that he decided it wasnt good idea because his son comes first (which i completley understand and agree) having to go to school and that he didnt need to call me to let me know because he said maybe and that it was never offical plans when I know he called it off because he thought i had rejected him like i mentioned above. he said to me that I need to look at myself and not judge others and that i need to think before speaking. i was so shocked and couldnt believe my ears. he said he put his son to bed early because he thought i wasnt comfortable around him, but i was just so shy and nervous around this man because i liked him so much it must have seemed like that to him. i just kept saying how i didn`t mean to offend him when i said i felt used and how in my country when you visit someones house you arent expected to clean your dish. we then ended the conversation on somewhat of a good note but he was still mad at me. he kept saying for me to text him my skype address and telling me to visit a dr in my country to help my medical problems. After this phone call i became so depressed because i had spent all these months dreaming of him, only for all this to happen. the next morning was my flight and my bladder infection came back. it was so painful and only got worse on my 10 hour flight. by the time i got home i had to go to hospital and stayed in for a bad kidney infection as the ifection traveled from bladder to my kidneys. i was so sick. when i was released i stayed in bed, sick, with jetlag.

                              I think he called me but I dont have caller id so im not sure. but when I was feeling better, about a week and half of being back, I called him. Im pretty sure he set up call forwarding, so that when he saw it was me calling, he let it ring and before his answering machine came on it switched over to another ring tone, ringing another five times and his friend picked up. I thought it was my guy at first and asked his name only for his friend to say that it wasn`t him and how my guy had given him his phone number. i was so confused and he asked if i wanted his new number and i yes that would be great. he asked me to call back so he could get it in the phone. i called back twice and he never answered. i was set up. i emailed him and got no asnwer. after not hearing anything i wrote him a long letter telling how i felt about him, how i had booked my flights around his schedule, how i extended my trip how i was coming back for him, how much i admired him for being a single father looking after his disabled yet beautiful and loevely son whom i adore. everything, telling him how i never just used him for sex and just explaining everything. I sent along photos i took of him and his son, photos of myself.. i sent a birthday card with money for his son. and i have heard nothing. i am pretty sure that he thinks that i rejected him by taking so long to call him, so he wanted to punish me by making me believe i cant call him anymore becasue i dont have his number. im convinced he set up call forwarding and had his friend in on it. but i was so sick and depressed and jetlagged i needed to get well first before calling him because it really stressed me out.

                              i am trying to make sense of all this, im so depressed and cannot stop crying because i still care for this man and his son, my heart goes out to them both, and i am not mad at all because i realize he was just afraid of rejection and this is was his way of protecting himself. I am just so sad, and just want to talk to him to make him see or realise I only had good intentions. Please if anyone has any advice on what I should do, I bought his son and this man gifts to try and show my appreciation for all that he did for me, but I think he thinks I was just using him. Im so sad he thinks this about me.. Most people just tell me to leave it alone but I believe there were some cultural misunderstandings going on that made everything turn for the worse. The attrattion between this man and I was so strong that I know if we saw eachother again wed both be smiling and nervous because we like eachother so much. I never believed in chemistry before but I cant get the image of his beautiful smiling face out of my head and the way we kissed, just pure beauty.

                              Please HELP[/QUOTE]

                              Comment


                              • I am 19 and fell in love with an Algerian boy last year. I am British, please sisters advice please. Btw i dont wear the hijab, would his family be okay with that? We're engaged but have couple years in marriage as both are still in education. Just general advice from your experiences please, <3 oooh and tell me about Algerian cooking, how long did it take to learn ??

                                I have read most of the stories all you wonderful ladies posted and loved them all !! omg ! <3 so happy for u all may God forever bless you. Ameen.
                                Tell me about the mother in laws.
                                Those of you who have been married, tell me about being a good wife.

                                Please advice me like you would to a younger sister heading towards a new life. Thank you much love !!
                                Last edited by Rania; 15th February 2015, 02:09.

                                Comment

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