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English women with Algerian men

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  • #16
    Wasalaam Amalgamate.
    Thanks and no I'm not Algerian, my fiance is. And you?
    You "supported her through a lot of problems she faced with her husband"? Yikes. Hope it wasn't too bad....

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    • #17
      Hi Salma and congratulations on your engagement

      Yeah it's really nice just having someone that can relate to some of the difficulties (and not forgetting to talk about the benfits too).

      How long have you been togeather with your fiance if you don't mind me asking? are you getting married in Algeria? I have been with my partner for almost 6 years and just can't wait to get married and start a family.

      No we all live in England (they live a 2 min walk away) which is nice. I am English (well I do have an Italian mum) but she learnt english back in Poland when she was young so language is no problem.

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      • #18
        You've been with your partner 6 years? wow. and he hasn't popped the question? why the lengthy wait if you don't mind mind me asking?
        It seems as if one fails to conceive
        The meaning my name strives to achieve

        To a biological form you cannot relate-
        Because a reproductive cell is a gamete not gamate!

        It means to unite, -to become consolidated
        So without me in a.com, is there hope we'd be amalgamated?

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        • #19
          Originally posted by salma View Post
          Wasalaam Amalgamate.
          Thanks and no I'm not Algerian, my fiance is. And you?
          You "supported her through a lot of problems she faced with her husband"? Yikes. Hope it wasn't too bad....
          I'm syrian. Unfortunately yes, her situation was (and currently still is) a tragic one. it seems to grow more than vanish away... May Allah lift the burden of problems off her shoulders.

          it's always comforting to have friends to vent to. That's how ppl stay sane
          It seems as if one fails to conceive
          The meaning my name strives to achieve

          To a biological form you cannot relate-
          Because a reproductive cell is a gamete not gamate!

          It means to unite, -to become consolidated
          So without me in a.com, is there hope we'd be amalgamated?

          Comment


          • #20
            Tasha thanks so much. I'm very, very happy and looking forward to the marriage. We have been together about 6 months (compared to your 6 years! Wow! lol) and the marriage will be in Australia. Yes I'm not English, but rather Aussie, but I thought I'd try and sneak in on this conversation anyway.

            I think that must be really so nice to be very close to his family. I do hope to meet my fiance's family at some stage but it won't be for a while because of the distance. Australia ia a looong way.

            Can I ask tasha, are you muslim? I am a revert of over a year now. Since before meeting my husband to be.

            6 years is a long wait and I bet you can't wait to marry and start a family. InshAllah that will all happen for you very swiftly.


            Amalgamate are you in an inter-cultural marriage? Also, that is sad about your friend. Allah has said that marriages should be the source of peace and it's a reality that not all will, but still, so sad. You are totally correct about 'venting'. I think that women really rely on that outlet.

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            • #21
              See, this is a very interesting slant to the conversation. How long did everyone married to an Algerian man have to wait until the topic of marriage came up? I think its shorter than British guys (British guys 1-2years), or perhaps just non-Muslims? I mean, I was told that in Islam (told this by both my husband and an Imam) that it is better to get married sooner as then there is less temptation to sin outside or marriage etc? And it is traditional also in Algeria to have very short marriage engagements? For example I know with my brother in law, although he has been dating his girlfriend for many years (they were at school to together and are currently at uni together), it is not them waiting because they are not sure, it is purely waiting so that he has enough money etc that her parents will accept him, and as far as her parents are concerned she has been single all the time... but if he had had enough money and they both hadnt been in education the whole time, they would have done it already (ie if they had met when they were say 23 rather than about 15 years old). So basically, everyone, how long did it take?

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              • #22
                Salaam Felicity. Your are right, it is interesting, very.

                The basic answer is 'not long'. It didn't take long for it to be mentioned and it didn't take long for it to become the plan. InshAllah we'll be married within about 8 months of getting to know each other.

                Of course both of us are Muslim and you are totally correct in what you've been told by your husband and the Imam. It is much better to find someone nice and good and marry. That way you are less tempted to lead the sort of life that is not acceptable for Muslims. Sex outside marriage is not on; we aren't supposed to have boyfriends, girlfriends etc and go down that road. Even certain subjects are not up for discussion prior to marriage, plus no touching, no being alone together etc etc.

                So, while I am not talking with a great deal of personal experience behind me (as I am a revert/convert not a born muslim), I do think that for practising Muslims it's likely to be a shorter time than for your average western couple. Not always, but often. We're all different afterall.

                I don't think you mentioned how long it was before the 'marriage' thing came up for you, nor how long you were engaged for. I'd love to know

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                • #23
                  it came up about 3 months in (probably earlier actually) and we were finally legally married after about 18 months, though would have done it legally quicker if we'd been able to, and if my mother had given permission sooner, also if the Algerian system didn't take 4 months to give its permisssion *fluffs feathers up in anoyance*

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                  • #24
                    Felicity, it's amazing how many 'road blocks' seem to be put in our way when it comes to intercountry (not sure if I made that word up) marriages. I can't believe the process so far. Every step is made difficult. I understand that we must have a process, but I think it's sad for genuine couples to have to go through so much hardship just to be together, even though it will be worth it in the end.

                    I'm happy that you two did manage to navigate the process and I wish you the very best in your life together.

                    It's a shame a few more people haven't added their story on this topic.

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                    • #25
                      Salma, of course Aussies are aloud to sneak in

                      t's just a shame I can't speak to his family rather than speaking through him but inshallah one day I might be able to but as all native speakers of English would I'm sure agree it's not at all easy. I am not a revert Salma but I have been learning about islam. I wouldn't rule out the idea in the future.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by amalgamate View Post
                        You've been with your partner 6 years? wow. and he hasn't popped the question? why the lengthy wait if you don't mind mind me asking?
                        Well we did consider a few years back getting married in an Islamic way but we decided to wait as I wanted to do the legal English wedding at the same time. He is applying for his indefinate stay at the mo which is something we wanted to sort out before hand (and something he wants to do on his own, not because he married me. I was also a 20 year old partying student when we met so I needed to mature alot before becoming someones wife. I could go on bacause there really are 101 reasons but I won't bore you all. When he gets all his papers sorted I think will be when we tie the not so should be 2 years max

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                        • #27
                          Yes the language thing is tricky. I've started to learn a few words in French and do plan to make more of an effort. I am told Arabic is difficult to learn, French obviously is easier. I don't want to have to wait too many years before I can speak with his immediate family - most of whom don't speak English at all.

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                          • #28
                            Yeah French is defanatly much, much easier. I'm ok with very simple French and lucky for me his 3 brothers all speak English but it's a shame I can't chat to the rest of his family specially as we chat over webcam. His mum speaks only Arabic and Berber, no French so I'm definatly gunna have to try my dest to learn Arabic. It's a shame I wasn't brought up speaking French (which my parents speak) at least I would be half way there. It's such a shame as already I can't talk to my mums side of the family as they only speak Italian. I have managed to learn about 40 Arabic words so guess it's a start

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                            • #29
                              It is a start Tasha...just keep going at it. I learnt another language as an adult (Spanish) and got to high intermediate level. I am very out of practice now and would be embarrassed to use it. However, despite being a very easy language to learn as they go, it was still not that easy and I found that the thing to do was keep study, keep practice, immerse yourself whenever and wherever you can.

                              Do they have Arabic tv there? That could be an idea to get more time 'hearing' the language, as that is a really important part as I recall Then again, it wouldn't necessarily be Algerian arabic and I have yet to learn just how different it really is. I may be in for a shock lol

                              What a shame about you and French; still it's easy to say that about so much in life. What if and I wish....nevermind.

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                              • #30
                                I should add, for your amusement, that now I am (just starting) to attempt French, the Spanish is a problem. Suddenly after all these years only spanish words want to come out and I find myself mixing them up a lot. I hope time fixes that.

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