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  • #46
    SAND1980's Journey?

    Originally posted by sand1980 View Post
    I am American dating an Algerian man via the internet... I think he is absolutely amazing... I converted to Islam about 11 years ago... but I know very little about Algeria or Algerians. I am trying to learn ... How does Algeria compare to other muslim countries? ... how are Algerian men in relationships? ... I watched this movie called "Nadia's Journey". Has anyone seen it? It seemed a little unfair to me to characterize the whole country as a society that routinely keeps women prisoner in their homes. Any thoughts?
    Hi SAND1980

    Algeria is transforming and changing at a dizzying speed, which is one of the reasons why trouble sometimes flares easily there. Most Algerians, particularly those who are educated and God-fearing are very decent people who have a distinctively strong sense of right and wrong. They are usually very committed, family orientated people (just don't interfere with their football ! (lol).

    But, like everywhere else, individuals may vary. So, the advice is to know your man very well, his motivations, intentions etc, the usual common sense things before you make a lifetime commitment. Talk about your concerns, your hopes and fears, doubts and so on. Ask him, '' What do you think I should do to make it easier for me/us to be accepted by your family and friends, and vice-versa?''

    Read about 'mixed marriages' SAND1980 and decide if you would be prepared to go for the rollercoaster mixed marriage often is. It's not for everyone.

    As for NADIA'S JOURNEY , you're right, it is very stereotypical and denigrating. Many Westerners, regrettably, enjoy that sort of thing because it feeds into their prejudices of Muslims and it gives them a false sense of superiority which they find more comfortable to live with. We can only blame the misguided who produce those films and publish books and literature of that nature.It makes money. That's the bottom line. I wish you good luck.

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    • #47
      We have not been able to meet yet. I am working on in and inshallah maybe next year. I was married to a man from Senegal so I know how mixed marriages can be. I was never really accepted by his family. It has definately been a concern of mine regarding my relationship with the man from Algeria. I have children and I am divorced so I have asked him on many occasions how his family might feel since this would be a first marriage for him. His mother seems like she is very accepting and supportive of the relationship. I do not think he has discussed it much with his father. He keeps telling me that it is his life and even if they were not ok with it he would still do it. I don't think that is best. It is important to overall emotional health to be supported by your familly so I am really hoping this will not be an issue for them. My family is always supportive so that will not be a problem for us. My mother did see that movie though and I had to tell her that I felt that it misrepresented a lot of things and was not accurate.

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      • #48
        hello ladies

        it's so lovely to read about your experiences, i am starting to learn basic arabic so i can communicate with my in laws. we are also in the process of getting legally wed in Algeria but as some of you know it may take a while!

        also i hope you all had a good Eid

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        • #49
          Originally posted by sand1980 View Post
          His mother seems like she is very accepting and supportive of the relationship. I do not think he has discussed it much with his father. He keeps telling me that it is his life and even if they were not ok with it he would still do it. I don't think that is best. It is important to overall emotional health to be supported by your familly so I am really hoping this will not be an issue for them. My family is always supportive so that will not be a problem for us. My mother did see that movie though and I had to tell her that I felt that it misrepresented a lot of things and was not accurate.
          Hello,
          i'm married also with an algerian man (berber). It is also my second marriage and i brought kids into my algerian marriage. I was very welcome in his family, specialy his mother and his sisters are so nice and lovely with me, just like i was always a member of the family. But also his cousins, brothers etc. So i just can tell you the very best about this side of a mixed relationship. I have anyway the impression, that algerian people are very open minded and very friendly anyway with people from the west.
          So now we are married since 5 years and we have a cute 2 year old daughter. I took my older daughter who is 13 years old with me to algiers and she was hugged and welcomed so warmly like my little daughter i have with my algerian husband.

          I wish you good luck with your relationship !

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          • #50
            HI FLYING HORSE !

            That's what you get if you truly love your man (and he loves you back) and genuinely want to be adopted by his 'family'. Family tradition is still very strong and will always be in Algeria because of our Islamic heritage, probably for other reasons, too.

            The way they see it there is like this: Here is a young (or not so young!) lady; she loves our son/brother/ cousin. She is brave enough to challenge stereotypes and propaganda and is prepared to set up a home and maybe start a family with him. How can we possibly not welcome and embrace her? It is a gesture of acceptance and respect, and it is almost always met with warmth. In the West, suspicion prevails, and not just because of 9/11.

            Thank you for your positive story.

            B2MR

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            • #51
              Hi there!

              I recently got engaged to my Algerian partner of 2 years this August and we are getting married next year. He still lives in Algeria and I'm based in the UK! I am trying to find out what we would have to do in order to get married in Algeria, i have looked into getting married here in the UK, so whatever way is easier the better or less complicated should i say! Once married, he would then apply to the UK Embassy in Algiers for his 2 year visa for the UK.
              thanks!
              Michelle

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              • #52
                Salam, ya Michelle,

                Welcome to Algeria.com, you can start to get to grips with the paperwork issue by reading >>> here <<<

                Comment


                • #53
                  Hey wardie,
                  I reckon the actual marriage bit is easier in the UK, but it is far easier for you to get an Algerian tourist visa (which you can get married with), than for him to get a UK fiance visa. Though if he has a good immigration history and you are financially well off then it probably isnt that hard for him to get a UK fiance visa...

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                  • #54
                    Originally posted by sand1980 View Post
                    Hi everyone. I am American and I am dating an Algerian man via the internet which I know seems kind of lame to some.
                    I know exactly what you are saying - but it's peoples perception. That if you meet like that it's somehow not as good, or that it's not going to work out - or that you can't get to know each other. But it doesn't mean any of those things.

                    I've had various advice given such as 'if you met him online then make sure you live with him for a while before you're married'. Except I'm Muslim - that is is not going to happen!! Don't want it, not gonna do it. I simply don't agree with that way of courtship (?). So I think often it's wrapped up with the differences in the way people do things because of religion too. In other words, you said you converted a long time ago so if you are living in the west then you may well have a different view of how much you need to to ''get to know'' about a person, and what things you need to know, before you get married than non-muslims you know there.

                    Also - YOU CAN GET TO KNOW SOMEONE PRETTY WELL BY DISTANCE!! That wasn't emphasised for you but for all the negative people out there who think you don't really know them (:. Even if you know someone face to face you still don't know everything about them. BTW chatting or talking daily for 9 months - that is a good committment in terms of getting to know each other, but also a committment from him that suggests to me that he is serious about you (well, depending on what you talk about - LOL).

                    My advice is look for clues about them and their personality in everything they say and do. This is a way to find out what type of person they really are and whether you can trust them. Do what you can to find out...and if they seem good then go for it! Not every man on the internet and/or from Algeria is untrustworthy because they like a woman living in the west.

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                    • #55
                      Originally posted by sand1980 View Post
                      I know people do not like stereotyping but how are Algerian men in relationships?
                      Hmm, I really don't want to say too much...so I'll say just a few words: private, honest, jealous, loving, protective and 'needs to be 'the boss''.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Wow salma, I like your 'in a nutshell' description of Algerian men. Very perceptive !!

                        In return, I would say Algerian women are: family orientated, hardworking, faithful, intelligent but demanding...

                        I haven't really given it much thought. Someone else could perhaps improve on that. (?)

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by BACK2MYROOTS View Post
                          HI FLYING HORSE !

                          That's what you get if you truly love your man (and he loves you back) and genuinely want to be adopted by his 'family'. Family tradition is still very strong and will always be in Algeria because of our Islamic heritage, probably for other reasons, too.

                          The way they see it there is like this: Here is a young (or not so young!) lady; she loves our son/brother/ cousin. She is brave enough to challenge stereotypes and propaganda and is prepared to set up a home and maybe start a family with him. How can we possibly not welcome and embrace her? It is a gesture of acceptance and respect, and it is almost always met with warmth. In the West, suspicion prevails, and not just because of 9/11.

                          Thank you for your positive story.

                          B2MR
                          Aww that sounds so nice. InshAllah I, and my family, will be welcomed in this way. I certainly hope that I will be considered part of his family and that I'll have the opportunity to gain new sisters etc. But I guess only time will tell.

                          It was a very nice story to share, thank you.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Many, many thanks!!

                            Originally posted by salma View Post
                            Hmm, I really don't want to say too much...so I'll say just a few words: private, honest, jealous, loving, protective and 'needs to be 'the boss''.
                            Hi Ladies,
                            Firstly, I would like to say thank you, thank you, thank you!!

                            I am from New Zealand (again stretching the term 'English'), currently in London and have been seeing an Algerian guy for about 6 months. I have only ever dated Kiwi guys in the past.

                            I have been in a state of confusion about this relationship - there are many things I love about H, and many I just don't understand - but Salma, your few words describe my experience with him concisely and perfectly. When I read your words, I felt a huge sense of relief, almost "ah, so this is normal" - I've not articulated that well, but I can't think how to better expain it.

                            I have been struggling with well meant 'advice' from European friends who have been steeped in negative Algerian stereo-types. Knowing my own judgement is not always the best, that my friends do genuinely care about my well-being and, well frankly, some of the behaviour does fit the stero-type - I was beginning to question whether I was fooling myself that this relationship was a good idea.

                            But, given that it was H. who explained the stero-type to me in the first place, and that your few words fit his personality so well, I feel much more confident in my own original feeling that he is a good man, a genuine man, with a good heart that I can trust and love. But, wow, do we have some work ahead of us in understanding our different ways of perceiving and communicating!

                            So, thanks again both for the forum and your words Salma, they have tipped the scales for me in terms of understanding what is 'normal' - because H's behaviour, his humour, and his approach to our relationship sure is different to kiwi guys!!

                            .... now, if I can just find a forum for Algerian men dating kiwi women ....?

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                            • #59
                              @ Starfish...I'm glad it helped, lol. It can be really confusing initially when you are confronted with someone who is very different to you. Something that helped me in the initial stages was also on this forum. There is another thread on here somewhere about Algerian men...I seem to recall the privacy thing being mentioned. I'm an aussie, we are open and I took the whole privacy, not giving too much away thing to mean shiftiness or hiding something. As it turns out I was wrong.

                              Best wishes

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by BACK2MYROOTS View Post
                                Wow salma, I like your 'in a nutshell' description of Algerian men. Very perceptive !!

                                In return, I would say Algerian women are: family orientated, hardworking, faithful, intelligent but demanding...Brilliant, beautiful, ambitious, very kind, charming, funny, adorable .. some more ?

                                I haven't really given it much thought. Someone else could perhaps improve on that. (?)
                                ... "intelligent but demanding" ... could you say more, Back2myroots ? Please.

                                Comment

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